A
female
age
30-35,
*lizabeth1520
writes:Okay. I am dating a guy who is 20. I am 15. I know we should not be dating but we are in love. Some are my friends are telling me to leave him but I can't. It is so hard dating him without friendship support. I don't know what to do. I wanna be with him but I want my friends to except the fact and actually be happy with it. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Some friends may be well meaning when they give you that advise.
But they are not you and do not really understand your love for him.
It will take time for them to come to accept you or come to terms with you and your date.
Love can only be between you and him and not how others see you.
You love him because it is you and not them.
You do not have to seek their consents .
They do not understand what is love yet.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Your mates can critisize all they want. For all we know your quite mature for your age and when you two are together you could look the same age, i've seen it before.
In less than a year you'll be 16 anyway and depending what state you are in, be completely legal. On a personal note my mum and dad had 20 years between them and were together for nearly two decades, even though she was 19 she was mature for her age.
Bottom line is, he's only 5 years older than you (hardly a generation gap), sounds like he respects you and in life i have learned that the only regrets you ever have are the risks you never took!!! give it time, have patience, you never know.
...............................
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 I'm not sure how important this age gap is in this particular relationship. If you were a few years older (maybe even just two years older) it wouldn't matter that much. 17 with 22? Probably no big deal.
But the point is that you're still very young. A 20-year-old is into a different world of dating. I would be worried that you're being dragged into the adult world of dating rather prematurely. In particular, I'd be worried that he's dragging you into the world of sex rather prematurely. And the fact that you're so dependent on your friends' approval to date him shows that you're really not ready. Once you get a bit older, you won't need your friends to approve your boyfriend. You'll just date him based on your own judgement.
Still, I'm sure you're not the first 15-year-old to date a 20-year-old, and you won't be the last. If your friends won't approve of it, you either have to date without your friends' approval, or you have to break up with your guy and wait a couple of years until you grow up a bit. I know you think you're in love with this guy, but you can bet your bottom dollar that there'll be more guys to fall in love with, and you'll fall in love again! So take it easy. And don't be in a hurry to have sex!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): I am slightly younger than your boyfriend and have the same conflict. I really, REALLY like this girl that's... shall we say, significantly younger than I am?
Forget about the misunderstanding people who scream "illegal!" Since you said love, I imagine you're not having sex or engaging in sexual activities with this guy. Therefore, you have done nothing illegal and have no 'consequences' to fear.
I have no idea why I love this girl; I am not a pedophile and have never liked anyone so far from my age. My general advice would be to stop dating (all physical contact except maybe an occasional hug or holding hands) and just be friends. You can even promise not to date anyone if you want.
BOTTOM LINE (literally): When you're 20 and he's 26, no one will give a care. Don't be intimidated and good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Love is great, but the fact is that you really would love a lot of other people if you had invested as much into them as you have into this guy. If the circumstances aren't right, then eventually you will regret getting involved with him. It's only a matter of time.
In the future you won't avoid this kind of heartbreak by being able to turn off your emotions for someone you're so attached to when it's time to leave. You avoid it by realizing someone is not good for you and stepping away BEFORE the attraction & relationship really gets rolling. It's not fun but it's part of growing up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Alex4868  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 I know its hard and although i think that it is lovely you have found someone do think of the concequences (law) and also if you really like him talk to your friends they will have good reasons dont push them away give them a fair chance to say what they believe, and then explain about your feelings dont worry they only want the best for you
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Its hard for your friends because they dont want you to get hurt or anyone to get in trouble. You wont like me saying this but I would go mental if my daughter was involved with a guy that age. Shes 16 next week and is only allowed to date guys her own age or one year above her - it is slightly different her in uk as she is legally allowed to have sex at 16 but 20 is still way to old for her and what 20 year old wants to date such a young girl anyway? x
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Personally, I believe love is love. But law is also law. It depends on the state you're in. Some states consider this dating to be rape. I don't think you'd want him to spend time in prison because of your relationship.
...............................
|
