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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Okay, here's the thing...he has NO problems getting it up the first time. Actually, it's great sex. The second time, a while later...it's really hard to get him...well, hard. The only things that seem to turn him on is 69 or the idea of him doing me analy...And I'm so not ready for that. I've had anal before, and it was unbearable for me. He is really into touching my anus. He said 'just one time, I promise I'll be hard as a rock and we can just do it normally, I'll be so gentle, I promise'. He really seemed desperate for it.I felt bad for not indulging his anal fantasies, but I need to get comfortable with the idea of the pain, first off. Secondly, the sensation is awful. :(So we do 69, and he's hard, but when we start having sex, it's awesome only until he starts going soft again. Could gravity really play a part like I told him? Like, blood having to flow upwards? When we do it with him on top there's no problem.He gets really angry when he can't get it up as fast as he'd like. We literally try everything. Also, another question...are there any guys out there whose penis 'retracts' inward? My boyfriend's does. Like, it comes out when it's hardening up, but relaxed his penis like...I dunno, it disappears! :D It doesn't bother me, but just a show of hands, please.Thanks a bunch. -Frustrated Partner
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Thanks for the update. Glad he's not gay, and I'm glad that things have worked out for you.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Good to see things turning out OK. And sorry for suggesting problems in the tightness department!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOMG, this question took a turn for the worst.
I don't think he's gay, although he seems not so homophobic when he's with me. He's incredibley homophobic around the gay guy in our town, and in general (he's even threatened a gay man who wasn't leaving him alone when he requested the flirting to stop), but I guess he feels more at ease than me.
Actually he kept teasing me about my arse and I told him 'bend over and let me ram my finger up your ass. See how YOU like it'. He looked a little freaked out and said he would stop teasing.
I consider myself to be a reasonabley tight lady. And he's said I'm the tightest he's ever had...So, I dunno. He's not bored, I can tell you that much. He's still very enthusiastic. I've been with a guy who saw me as boring, and I saw him the same way. We're still into it. Very much.
He used to be kind of...I don't know. He was very skitish about sex with me the first few times, until I told him how nice sex was, how enjoyable, how natural is is to me. And told him that there is a very sexual side of me, and that he shouldn't be afraid of letting himself go with me.
Now he's a very sexual person. Very attractive, much more confident with me.
And for the record, he doesn't mess with my ass anymore, not when I tell him not to and he's let go of the anal thing. He came up with this new skill somewhere and ever since he's gotten rock hard very quickly.
And he can go another extra round.
Thanks for all of you who contributed legitmately helpful advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): This one just sounds like too much trouble. I'd find another boyfriend whose parts work correctly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Ms Strict again I bow to estemed and wise advice. Listen up baby, your getting advice from an expert.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Oh heck... I'm off again... hehehe...hahaha... "8 inch dildo" (LOL) Your really good WizardOfWaz.
Anyway....Back to the question. It may be that your boyfriend is gay, that's why he's only turned on by anal sex. Have you ever considered this?
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 There are lots of reasons why anal isn't a good idea - at least, not on a regular basis.
Your back passage isn't designed for having things rammed up it. There is a greater risk of infections for both of you - and I'm not talking about the usual sexually transmitted ones; there's a whole range of nasty viruses and bacteria that can be present in the anus. Also, the inside of that part of your body is relatively delicate. Damage to the lining inside will cause you major problems.
It gets more unpleasant too. Pushing into that particular orifice can have a most bizarre effect on your bowels, resulting in a sort of uncontrollable projectile diarrhoea when he withdraws - and all that's quite apart from the likelihood of weakening the sphincter muscle that may cause you more problems controlling your bowels as you get older.
Having said that, lots of people do it - and the advice from lotus mama808 is good if you really must carry on with this.
Finally, Waz! No! Not 8 inches! There are proper "anal strap-ons" of a sensible size for that! Actually, I would love to see his face if you did as Waz suggests. You never know, he might enjoy it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Wow... Lazyman said a rude word.....
Anyway, what's with you kids nowadays, how come you got try more and more advanced sexual practices. What's it gonna be next, sex in public, sex with strangers, swinging.
Sounds to me like he's already bored, you've done vaginal sex, now it's anal, where's it all gonna stop. What happened to mystery and discovering one another.
What happened to massages, kisses, movies and the park. Or am I just getting old and showing my age. Oh heck, who am I to judge, live and let live. You've been given good advice, you've been told the solution to your current problem as posted here.
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male
reader, oldfool +, writes (19 May 2008):
Excuse me for being blunt, but if he says he's looking for the tightness of anal sex, is it possible that he's finding vaginal sex less than satisfactory?
In order to change that -- and in my experience it's possible to change -- you perhaps need to do exercises to strengthen the muscles down there. What's more, remember that it's nice for the vaginal muscles to move when the penis is in there. A "tight pussy" isn't a matter of being permanently and painfully tight. It's a matter of having good muscle tone, with muscles that caress the penis by contracting tantalisingly around it (NOT holding it in a vice-like grip).
I gained the above knowledge from a girlfriend who moved from being nice in bed to being incredible in bed, from the simple insight that "it's got to move down there"!
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male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Hi,
to me it is simple. You don't want to have anal sex so that is the end of the story.
But I wonder what most of my brethern's obsession with anal is all about. Sure it is a tighter hole, but there is none of that wonderful warm/hot feeling you get with the pussy. I don't get it myself.
My partner loves anal especially after several orgasms as she says it gives her a totally different level of orgasm, but I much prefer hanging around where nature intended me to go . So I guess I'm a rare sort, my partner has to ask me to go anal ( and usually I ask her if its o.k if we dont!)
oh and the disappearing penis? I'm not as bad as your partner but get me when I've come out of the swimming pool - holey moley where is it!?
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female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 Well now hearing it from the hung-like-a-horses mouth, lol, I kinda have a different view of my hubbies obsession with it. My only question is, why, if he knows it dosnt hurt me, does he still obsess over it? It wasnt too much trouble, I just had an intrest in it, and I figure, if one is educated on the matter, it might help, you know? It sure helped me;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, LazyGuy...he who owns the ginamous penis of doom.
Actually, he pleases me to no end. I pretty much lay there afterwards, six climaxes later, staring off in a daze. I feel bad because he gets me off oraly, with penetration, and by fingering. He said to see me so out of my head with pleasure is what turns him on the most. He wants anal with me because he likes the tightness, he said. He told me he'd make it so good for me.
I dunno. It might be worth it, but I've had some bad experiences with anal that I'd rather not discuss with him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Lazyguy hit the nail on the head!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 An erection can't be rushed. Most guys around your age shouldn't have to much trouble getting it up a second time but we are all different and the less fit and the older you get, the less the erection especially 2nd or 3rd time.
Now as for gravity. Lets be honest here, even my absolutly giant penis that scares horses is hardly going to compare gravity wise with the rest of the body. If it can pump the blood all the way up my leg and through my torse those couple of centimeters. Eh yards, I mean yards, are hardly going to matter.
Physical fitness and mental state influence the erection, not gravity.
The more excited you are, the stronger the erection.
That explains perhaps why with certain fantasies and postions he can get hard a second time but not without them.
Basically, he ain't fit/excited enough to get a second erection with normal sex, but the thought of anal sex is enough to get it hard.
That really isn't your problem, it is his.
Anal sex is often described by women as painful. So what is his fantasy really? To fuck you in a way that hurts you? Nice. Lets be honest here, for a lot of guys the idea that anal sex hurts for the woman is PART OF THE ATTRACTION. Google painal.
What the other poster describes seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through, does he do anything even remotely similar for you? I am a guy and I am betraying the brotherhood here but tell him to go fuck a guy if he wants anal so bad.
Look into why a young man has trouble getting it up a second time at the thought of regular sex. You might not like the answer. It seems he needs certain fantasies to get it up, not exactly a compliment to you.
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (17 May 2008):
 There's no guarantee that if you let him try anal he'll be able to sustain an erection the second time anyway and if youre not comfy with it and really dont want to then he should accept that. Sometimes my hubbie can manage three times other times just one. Its perfectly normal for men to be only able to do it once so I really would just concentrate on making the first time last a long time and get the enjoyment you need. If you still feel the urge to come again then just use different methods x
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 May 2008):
My husbands is retractable. Gravity plays no role in a mans erection, as far as I know. I was terrified of anal sex, and have a gay brother. I just couldnt understand how they...DO THAT! It hurt me like crazy. But I kept trying. Finally I realized it is all a state of mind. If you are nervous, your muscles down there will tighten up and make something the size of a thermomiter hurt like hell. I Found that when I completly relax my anal muscles, I can handle it. I have to be on top, because then I am in control of the pace and I can take my time with it. Once the penis enters a certain point, it dosnt hurt at all, in fact it is the most incedible feeling! Then, we can change positions, and I can let him have control of the pace. If you feel pressured, it too will make those muscles tighten to the point of pain. THE KEY IS, RELAXATION! Be sure to NEVER go anal to vagina, as it can cause you serious problems, yeast infections and such. Make sure your sweetie knows that it is very bad for you to do it that way, it can make you sick, so he needs to find a different way to get an erection. Always vagina to anus, never the other way around. Maybe watch porn together? I try on different sexy bedroom attire when I sence my honey needs something different. Teasing a guy like that will make erection happen when he finally gets to indulge in you.
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