A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met an amazing woman the other day. I've already gone out with her a couple of times and we've even had sex. The only thing is that she's 35 and I'm 22. She also has a 12 year old boy. I've tried to talk myself out of this a million times, but that fact is, I'm attracted to her. I guess I prefer mature woman over the bubble-head blondes ive dealt with all through college. I mean, our conversations are fun and exciting and have lasted for hours on end. Weird, I know....but, I like her. I guess I'm just curious to know what others think about my situation. Is this even worth continuing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (29 May 2016):
 The age difference doesn't bother me per se, until it pops up that you're closer in age to her son than her and he's still a child. If he was an adult, it wouldn't matter, but someone with his mother should be a father figure, not an older brother figure - so that's what you'd need to be long-term, if that's where it's heading. You need to ask her what she wants; if she wants long-term, it's probably not for you, but short-term may be okay. I don't think you getting involved at all with her son is a good idea, unless you've been together for 6+ months and think it's going to be a long-term relationship.I don't blame you for being wary; I don't think it's a great idea, especially since you're still in the mental state of referring to your previous options as "bubblehead blondes" - it's your choice to be "stuck" around people like that, by the way, loads of people your age and in your uni aren't like that and you didn't even notice them.Write out the pros and cons and ask her what she wants from a relationship, right now - don't mention what you have together, just ask what she wants.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2016):
 I agree with Aidan.
You need to figure out WHY you keep trying to talk yourself out of it. Is it because she has a kid? Because she'd (naturally) be more "demanding" and "expecting" more commitment and maturity from you, than your previous airheads ?
And honestly, OP... Let's not do the Blonds are bimbos, OK?
Do you HAVE enough to offer her?
Are you bringing good things to the relationship? Is she?
Can you fulfill HER needs?
Does SHE have enough to offer you?
Can SHE fulfill yours?
What's the hurry? Take it slow, get to know her, enjoy your dates. It' not like you HAVE to decide whether or not you will marry her tomorrow (is it?!).
I do think age difference CAN complicate things, because it CAN (doesn't mean it does) make things uneven. Like there are 2 VERY different levels of life-experiences going on, work wise, personal growth wise, maturity etc. But sometimes THAT is a good thing. Sometimes it's not. Each relationship is a "unique" pairing, "unique" experience.
Let's say that in 6-8 months she wants more than you feel you can/want to give. Then you NEED to have that conversation. You don't need to have it now. (unless she is already pushing for things that you don't really want now).
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (28 May 2016):
The answer depends really on why you are trying a million times to talk yourself out of it. Relationships with an age gap are no different to any other relationships. I say that because it’s not the numbers that make them fail when they do. It’s the fact that you are at different stages of life, want different things and perhaps have less in common as a result. The reason many other age gap relationships work is that there aren’t incompatibilities, so it all comes down to you individually.
First, it sounds like there is a connection that goes beyond sex. From what you say, you and this woman get on very well. There needs to be friendship, common ground and an enjoyment of each other’s company. Second, I wonder whether you have talked about whether you are looking for the same things or not? What is this exactly and how do you want it to progress? You need to be on the same page in terms of what you would ultimately be looking for. Have you discussed this? I do think you may have moved to sex too quickly but only you know how much you’d really thought this through. Third, assuming she would want things to get serious if you continue seeing each other, how do you feel about her having a son? If you wouldn’t want him becoming part of your life too, that’s another incompatibility
So you need to consider whether you know that there are incompatibilities, or whether you are just talking yourself out of it, or thinking you ought to be so-doing, because of other people’s reactions. If it’s the latter, I’d say forget other people. You’re doing nothing wrong. If you’re both happy with what you’ve got and want to carry on seeing each other, carry on. Make sure you have good communication and honesty between you. If it’s worth trying, it’s worth trying.
I wish you all the very best.
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