A
male
age
30-35,
*illy484
writes:I’m 18 years old guy and I’ve very strange situation in my life. It’s kind of about my sexual orientation. I cannot choose between a woman and a man. I’ve a girlfriend and I’ve been together with her for almost half a year. First everything was cool, she was the best for me, I was totally in love. She’s very pretty, kind, cultured. My parents also were happy that I’m with her. Everything was okay for the first few months. Then our relationships somehow became worse and worse. I had to study and I didn’t have as much time for her anymore, she didn’t like it and she didn’t want to wait. We were arguing often, distanced each from other, but we didn’t break up. Then I met this man, that I first saw only as a friend. We became friends almost immediately, we have much in common. I met him in the time when I was arguing terribly with my girlfriend and so I became attached to him very much. He told me he’s gay, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. He’s also about 10 years older than me, but it never bothered me. We were spending time together, talking, drinking coffee. He even gave me a job so I can earn my own money now. Then it happened very often – I came home, I argued with my girlfriend and then, angry and disappointed I went to him and he always comforted me, always understood me. Then he asked if I wanted to get into bed with him. First I refused, but then, one evening I agreed. And it was indescribably good, much more better than any sex that I’ve had with girls, I never thought I could feel so good. After that it has happened some more times. Now I don’t know what to do. I’m still together with my girlfriend. She says she wants to make our relationships better, but I don’t know if that’s possible. I'm disappointed in her. And he, he wants me to choose – my girlfriend or he. He says he doesn’t want to just sleep with me; he wants to be together with me for real. I know I feel damn good with him, he’s a wonderful person, but my parents would never understand it. What should I do?
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male
reader, Biffo  +, writes (16 September 2012):
You need to answer these questions:
1) Would my girlfriend still want to be with me, if she knew what I had done with this older guy?
2) Did the guy know I had a girlfriend and still ask me to get into his bed. Did he take advantage of me when I was distraught? Can I ultimately trust him?
The best is to work out what you want. Male or Female? Enjoy your life. You are young and have your whole life ahead. But always be honest with yourself and with the people you get involved with. Unfortunately I don't think it is with either of these, sorry...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): "Now I don't know who I should choose."
Neither.
Your hetero relationship is beyond salvaging. If you should have broken up after "too many arguements" BEFORE you cheated on her AND changing teams, then what's your solution to making relationship work after too many arguments, infidelity and flucutating orientation based on convenience, horniness and parents approval. And YOU'RE "disappointed" in her?
Guy wants to be together "for real." You can't make that commitment, accepting reality not strongest suit, still tied to parents apron strings, both he and she far better off without your presence in their lives, think of them first before yourself, indication that at some point you may be able to consider a "for real" relationship.
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