A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am almost 39 years old, a gay male living in Los Angeles, CA. I've lived here for about 7 or so years. I am currently in a relationship with another male who is 35 years old. I am caucasian and he is Asian American. I am finding that after 3 years of dating I'm getting very bored with the relationship. I have very little interest in sex anymore. It's not that he's ugly or anything, it's just that it's not enjoyable. I've tried to communicate that he needs to be more vocal and to no avail. Now I would just rather go to sleep and not have sex than to waste the time. Sadly, sex has always been less than mediocre but I always assumed that he would open up more as time goes on. That has not happened. Additionally, he's not out to his parents which was cool the first 3 years but by now I would think he would be "proud" enough of me to introduce me. IN addition to that, he just doesn't have much to say ever. (Ironically, he's a published poet!) I've not had one poem written for me in these three years and I feel a little cheated.I'm not sure where to go. Should I suggest an open relationship? I hesitate because the problem is more than just sex. Sure I can get sex somewhere else but I'm not also getting the emotional and intellectual bond that I seem to need.I would love any advice just to get a fresh perspective.D. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I know I can't say much to help you but there is something my grandmother told me when I had my first crush, she told me to follow my heart and let my heart decide on what to do and how to talk to him. I did and we ended up dating for a long time. If you really believe there is something there listen to your heart not your head even though for some people it is harder to think with your heart. I hope that I could help you. Good luck!! :)
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 So... the sex sucks, and you're not connecting emotionally or intellectually anymore? Are you just staying with him out of habit...? Because I can't see a reason to stay.
Think hard about what you get out of this relationship- how often are you happy, what does he provide for you, etc.
Sounds like a very unsatisfactory relationship. You should give serious thought to ending it altogether.
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