A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It it time to give up on him?My relationship was just 9 months, but brilliant. myself 18, my ex 22....He broke up with me afew weeks before I began uni. I was devestated. 5 months on, i'm still not sure why we broke. He blamed my moodswings, but it didn't fit. I put it down to me moving away, (though only 1hour by train). He told me he could see himself with me, but needed to sort himself out. Fair enough, i could understand the circumstance. I was perhaps too hard on the texts for the first part of the break up, but gave it up and accepted the situation. After a few months we chatted over the phone, and saw each other occasionally, (more freq since Dec). We have stayed really close, in some ways i feel we're even closer, n getting on brilliantly. It's not all about sex, though we do on most meetings. However, we both agreed to tell each other if 1 of us met someone else... I receantly found out he's really into a girl at work, and has been since before we even met, (which really hurts and kinda makes our relationship feel like a joke.) He has kept this from me the whole time, I am so cut up he lied, and then just went silent when i expressed my hurt. I truly want him to be happy, but this has completely messed with my head.Sorry to drone on, but basically, i don't sleep, and havent properly since the split. My head's in the clouds, and i'm so confused. Just need some kind of opinion or advise. I love him so much, he has never lied before, and this is a fat one... Friends may be too tricky?'i can see myself with you, but not right now?' Erm, is this a line used to shut one up??I'm struggling to understand why he comes up to see me and treats me the same as he ever did... But chases another girl he must see 6x a week?Any comments much appreciated xxx
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male
reader, Chado +, writes (12 February 2007):
I think he may be following the stupid advice in one of those books that states that making you jealous will make you want him back. I personally think those games are stupid, but he may not understand that he is playing with two people's emotions. But then again, maybe not. I've read alot of stupid information on the web and in books that states for a guy to date around when he wants his girl-friend back. But playing jealousy high-school games, whether it works or not, is just dumb! I've actually read advice that suggests him to do the very thing he is doing, as if it is going to work. But it isn't is it? You tell me. I want to know, because I'd like to get back with my ex, but I don't want to fall prey to making her jealous just to win her heart back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): He broke up with you just before you started university, and five months later contacts you again.
Now you're upset and confused because he has sex with you and is seeing someone else. Yes, it hurts, but unfortunately this is the downside of remaining "friends" with an ex.
Look: broken-up means a relationship is ended. So, you grieve for a while, but you get over it. What you don't do is try to revive the romance! Relationships end for a reason. Things were not satisfactory for one or the other and couldn't be improved, so one of you decides to write "finish" to it.
Either you work it out and get back together OR you don't see one another again. Otherwise, how in the world can you move on with your life? This "friends with benefits" business stinks!
Clearly he doesn't really want to try to make it work with you again.
So accept this hard truth (yes it is hard to come to terms with) and hold your head high, and put "I love him so much" where it belongs - in the garbage bin! WHY would you want to love someone who treats you with so little real regard and consideration?
If you say that's how you feel, I say to you that feelings come and go. YOU have control of this, you know! What you have to do is recognize he isn't worthy of you - you deserve MUCH better - and make up your mind you are never again going to put up with this sort of treatment from him or from any man! Once you get ahold of that kind of attitude and stick with it, it will gradually get easier. Meantime, also do the things you enjoy and be good to yourself!
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 Sounds a little bit like how I held on to my old blue ford fiesta for some time, even after I had bought a brand new focus because I wanted to be sure that the new car was good enough and wouldn't break down on me.
So in short, what I'm saying is that if this guy is chasing another girl, let go of him. When you're with a guy, you should be his number one, not the old fiesta that stands in the back of the garage just in case the ferrari breaks down. You're worth much more than that. Good luck finding love!
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