A
female
age
30-35,
*aileyLove
writes:Hey, so I'm not sure if I'm thinking about this too much, and it's all in my head, but I think I was a little too blind to know if this date went bad. I could really use some insight, and to know if I'm just overthinking this.Ok, well, from the beginning, I met this guy online, I'm really not one for the online dating community, but I think I'm ready to start dating again, and I'm not meeting anybody new around here. We started talking on there, but my first impression was that there wasn't really anything special about him, just an average guy, I don't even know why I gave him my number knowing that I'm picky about guys.So, we had been texting for 3 or 4 days in a row, and the more I got to know him, the more I started liking him. Even when he'd send me a picture of himself I didn't think he was particularly attractive, but his personality was the best part of him. When we decided to meet (in a public place, and with a friend of mine) he was everything I expected. He was sweet, and just overall very friendly. We had a lot in common too!Now, as for labeling it as a date, I'm not sure if that was the term for it, we only stood around and talked for about 2 hours, but it was good nonetheless.When it was time to part, he gave me a hug, and told me that we were going to hang out the next week and maybe watch a movie. And when I got home, he texted me, until I fell asleep. But today, however, I texted him to finalize the plans for next week, we were talking for an hour or so, and then he stopped responding. I feel stupid for asking a question like this, but he seemed different when I was texting him today, for the little while we spoke anyway.Did it not go so well? Should I try texting him again?Also, when we were together, I felt like asking what exactly he's looking for, but I thought that it might be too soon to ask something like that.
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (19 May 2014):
 Hi there,
I've been in the same situation so many times, its all part of the dating game i'm afraid. Especially with Internet Dating and blind dates. I have done online dating for a while now and met many, many people.
By a law of averages, meeting someone on a blind date or via internet dating will yield low rewards. Nine times out of ten either I didn't like the other person, or they didn't like me or both. Generally, and this is true of both sexes, people meeting for a date act out a routine of being interested out of politeness, the wish not to be seen as a bad person or simply because they are keeping their options open.
Some people think its "nicer" to say they want to meet again when they don't and then hope the other person takes the hint, which is always frustrating and hurtful. Others may be too embarrassed, or feel it would be awkward, to say to someone "I'm sorry but your not my type" at the end of a first date.
This results in basically being fobbed off. Having someone follow a date with a bit of chat, being nice, having a laugh and then either stopping all contact or drifting away.
Usually you get a feeling or subconsciously pick up on a subtle change in the "body language" of a text or communication. There is a difference, a shift that is hard to put your finger on. That's seems to be where you are right now.
What took me far to long into my dating "career" was learning to spot the signs. My most recent online date was a real turning point for me in that respect. All went well, we kissed, cuddled, etc. I really thought we got on great! We text each other for a few days but when a week had gone by and we had yet to really arrange another meet I realized she want going to see me again. Then I had what you had; a change in tone of the texts. Less humour, a few less kisses, etc. Then a day or tow later my phone made its "you have a text!" noise and I know without looking at my phone who it would be and what it would say. I half found it amusing when I read "Mark, your a really great guy but...."
I think you need to move on and stop texting him. If he wanted to see you again he would be responding and chasing. It hard not to think "maybe he's busy" or rationalize the silence but I think you need to accept that he isn't the one for you.
I also learned from experience, especially blind dates or meeting someone online, is to ask before hand what a person is looking for. I've been on dates where women have said "friendship" or "i'll know when I find it". Well that leads to a situation where you don't really know if you are going on a date or just making a new friend. Its always best online to chat about that side of things before meeting someone. Its not intrusive and its not like they have to commit to anything, it just makes it easier to know where you stand.
In future you may wish to find it better to go on slightly more formal dates. The fact you both "stood around for a couple of hours talking" makes it sounds less of a date and more like a conversation really. It becomes harder in that setting to read the signals and signs or know whether tis a date or not.
At the risk of sounding pedantic I personally have an issue with the term "hang out" as, and I'm talking from the position of someone older and from the UK, it suggest to me doing just that: hanging about. I now it means something different to younger people especially in the US/Canada but making a plan to do something a bit more structured can help and make it more of a definitive plan. Again it lets you know where you stand regarding the status of the meet up and allows you to gauge how it went a little more. You don't have to go to a fancy restaurant or skydiving, especially as a blind date could be a disaster, but doing something that actually says "this is a date" is so much easier.
Maybe he will get back in touch but I think the signs are there that he isn't that into you. Plenty more men to choose from! Get out there and date!
Mark
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): back off, let him do the work. Let him organize the next meeting. Do not text him, wait for him to text you, and chase you, if he is going to.... you chasing him will NOT entice him more, it will push him away faster. I had my heart broken many many times till I learnt how to LET the guy do the work.... I only ever 'got' the guys that had to chase me.
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A
female
reader, Ameee +, writes (19 May 2014):
Hello,
However hard it is, refrain from sending him anymore texts, give him chance to respond, keep busy, I know it's very difficult to go about day to day things when you like someone and are constantly left wondering why you haven't heard from him, why he hasn't responded. Truth is there could be a countless reasons he hasnt replied to you. But deep down I think you know he's just not that into you but we somehow struggle with telling ourselves that, I know I do !
Keep busy and get on with living your life, relax about this situation if you can and play it cool. If you still hear nothing after a week then let it go, do nothing, dont even send anymore texts. If a guy likes you he will make the effort to keep the contact going.
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