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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 22 years old and last year my ex-boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me, and it still hurts me so bad. I know 6 months isn't a long time to be with someone but I had fallen in love with him a year before we got together and my whole world was about him.When we split up he told me it was cos I wasn't his type and he just saw me as a bit of fun. I didnt mean that much to him. I was devastated because I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone.At first it was so hard to deal with but over the months it got easier. I still wanted him back but he clearly moved on and completely lost all touch with me.So when I hear he is going out with someone new it upset me so much. I've seen them together and it's clear that he really, really loves her and he's also moved in with her and is planning to ask her to marry him. They were best friends before they got together and all people keep saying is ow sweet it is and how they are made for each other.I don't feel jealous, but I can't help thinking that that should be me with him, not her. I do think I'm over him as I don't feel any love for him any more, just hurt. I also feel numb inside when it comes to meeting other men, I just don't feel any attraction towards them and I'm worried that this will last forever. It seems impossible to feel the way I felt about my ex with any other man and that scares me more than anything.I find that now I don't ever think of him and I am happy and spending time with my friends but then as soon as I see him with her or hear something about them I feel that awful pain again and I feel I've gone back to square one again. Is this normal? How can I be over him if every time I see him I feel like crying? People have told me that I need to keep myself occupied, have fun with friends and forget him which is easy but he is always there in my mind especialy when I'm in bed at night and I know that he's with her. I would be happy if anyone can help me or share a similar story cos I sometimes feel that nobody could feel the pain that I feel and that makes me feel lonely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): I have a few stories of my own to relate like this but I won't bore you. lol One thing I learned was to always think with my head...and to discern whether or not 'that' person was good for me. You need to do this for yourself. It's called rationale and believe me, it's tough to think this way when you care for someone. But dear, no one should have this kind of power over you and your mind is playing games with yourself. It's time to think clearly here. You are pining away for a man, who told you..."you weren't his type and he just saw you as a bit of fun and that you didn't mean much to him". Something tells me he enjoyed sharing that little bit of info with you. Why couldn't he have saved your dignity and said something a little less unflattering. Didn't these statements from him give you an enormous amount of information about his character?? You have the right to be angry because that kind of disrespect and dishonor that is occurred was a in-your-face belittlement and yet, you still care? Dear, this man will not provide you with what you want, ever-- so do the work, and hunker down and get over this. Stop compromising your spirit, your happiness and your heartfelt feelings for this ass. He not worth it. You are still in pain, because he managed to not only leave your life...but he took your self esteem with him. I recommend that you see a counselor or a minister to discuss and explore why you permit someone to treat you so poorly. Life is just too short to spend on a man who gave you...absolutely nothing. You need to learn to say goodbye, once and for all. He is never coming back and you need to get beyond it. Learn to detach and avoid him and his gf at all costs. Everytime you see them, you are allowing those wounds to be reopened. This is what is required while you are still grieving. Time and and clear thinking is also greatlt needed here. Detach your heart, heal, recover and get out there and move on with your life. And in the future, never allow anyone to tear you down like this. As for other men, you will find someone who'll commit to you...there are a lot of wonderful young men out there looking. Stay strong
A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (13 June 2006):
 dear reader there are lots of people going through what you are goign through right now i have been there once myself but you do get over it and wonder why on earth it took you so long. breaking up is always hard but if you say you are feeling nothign for him anymore then why may i ask are you writting in abotu abotu and thinking of him all the time you have the classic sympoms of being jealous and you need tomove on it has been a little while now and i think it is time to let go and admit to yourself it just wasn't meant to be and that will find someone out there who is much better for you.
try and be happy for them and don't let this ruin anything you might have with someone else in the future.
talk to people get it all off your chest and be honest with yourself on how you really feel coz you don't sound very sure to me
i hope you find an easy way to move forward.
If you have any other worries feel free to contact me direct and i wish you all the very best of luck
take care xxx
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