A
female
age
30-35,
*ostfreak
writes:i want to get my ex back...i know he doesn't love me...but takes me only as a friend..we still talk....but the reason he left me was due to my constant questioning about girls messaging him and girls roaming about with him..he didn't have had any affair with any girls....but i was badly possesive in his case and couldn't see him talkin or interracting with any other girl...i know that was because it was the first time i was in love..and was very cautious about the relationship..and thus was scared to loose him...he hated me questioning him regularly ...which finally ended with everyday fights....it bugged him...I realised it after many days...and by that time i was very late...he couldn't afford to carry on the relationship anymore...and had quit it immidietely....he didnt want me anymore that way in his life.....i but after realising my foolish and impulsive behaviour..i did repent badly...cause i knew by that time i missed him from my life...i did try to chnage myself....i tried to be honest and took things lightly after that..i hardly argued with him..and even if he got angry on me...i didnt react back..rather i tried to cool him down...this way i always had a hope to get him back somehow....at least timely ..and again things will be normal...and he wud come back to me...........but nothing has changed...i had completely lost him...i am still repenting.......i had asked sorry several times.....but he said that he simply wants me to b his friend...and don't want any commitment...i still talk to him...the same for hoping he'll be back someday....but he'z gettting married..soon...i often ask him not to get married so soon...but he alwayz refuses me...and talks about the pictures of those girls his mum and dad gets for him..to select among them....dayz crossed lying on bed and grabbing tightly my bedsheet.....damped with ma tears flushing out......but there is no way to make him understand that i still can reach heaven for him...i now decided to run from my hostel..to his place and give him a surprise meet and atlest once ask him to come back to me..i may not be doin right this way but i can't even see any other option and think ma lyf without him..i infact feel scared to tell him that i want him ...want him to be with me...infact i told him several times over fone that i still love him.. i rather told him"please don't leave me" but he says that there is no point now coz he is already getting married...I can't do this way..am afraid he will go far away from me...you might think he is not a right man after wat i had told u about him..but telling u frankly he is that much good at heart either.he does care for me..n so itz hurting me badly that one day..he will be some1 else's..but not me..am really unlucky...now the situation reached so far that itz now leading me to lots of sleepless nights coz he had already started searching 4 girls over net..he even says me tht he found 2-3 girls..very attractive with gud luks.and the moment he says tht i dont show ne of my sntiments or emotions rather smile out with a gudbye to him with a fake reason..keep the fone down..grab my pillow weep like nething...dreaming about his married life with his wife his family..and all tht...u noe............can't be described in words....am totally impatient now...i can't live that way..i want him back....please......please do something.help me out.I would be always thankful to you if u can advice me anyway to get him back….i have searched lots in net.if I can change something more within me…but all in vain….temme wat can I do now.i need your help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I think you have to accept that this man does not want to come back to you. He is moving on with his life by getting married to someone else.
When we share a special relationship with someone for any length of time, we think wrongly that they will be in our life forever and although some relationships do last, there are many that never make it and there is nothing you can do about it.
From reading your problem, it seems to me that you think you can win this man back through self sacrifice. By saying that you are still repenting, crying, losing sleep and saying you will surprise him with a visit, it seems you have become desperate to have his attention again but I can tell you that none of these things will make him change his mind. Do you really want him to come back because he feels sorry for you? Do you really want to give yourself so much worry and pain?
It is a very hard thing to do, but what you must do is stay away from him and try not to think of him. This is a very difficult thing to do in the first few days or weeks after a break up...almost like torture. The time will pass slowly and you will feel down and upset a lot of the time.
My advice to you is that during this time away from him or thoughts of him, that you treat yourself with love and respect. Go out with your friends (but avoid talking about him) treat yourself to some new clothes or some new makeup. Take warm baths, eat well and try some relaxing activities, like reading or swimming or writing or just take a long walk.
On your really bad days, try to write down your thoughts about how you feel and remind yourself that you are lovely and you do not want to feel sad forever.
I think as humans we assume too much that there is only one special person in the world for us. A soul mate. But nothing gives us more agony than this misconception. There are many many people in the world who are suitable for us and if one relationship doesn't work out...then maybe the next one will.
Learn from your mistakes. Deal with your jealousy issues and ask yourself how you would handle the same situation, if it happened again.
The mistakes you made with this man, you will not make again with the next. Try to forget him and move on. Chasing him will only push him further away and even though it's very hard to believe...when enough time passes, you wont feel so sad about him.
I hope you find some peace.
A
female
reader, 19agegap  +, writes (30 May 2008):
i'm in exactly the same situation as you are....and my heart bleeds to know that I will never be with him again.
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