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*londegal017
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months (Tuesday) and we got in a huge fight about 2 weeks ago. Things were fine and we were talking about moving in and starting a life... then this huge fight happened because I think that he should be nice to me and give me more reassurance as to our relationship. He's a senior in college, I'm a freshman. He's about to graduate and really stressed out. We love each other and we have made it through a lot of stuff already. He says he has seen a side of me he didn't like when we were fighting and that he has lost confidence in out relationship. I love him and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and in my heart of hearts, I know that he's the one for me, but he has lost all this confidence. We have decided to try and work things out, and I try to do all these sweet things for him and let him know that I love him, but I feel like he doesn't even care. I ask him to reassure me that we are OK, and that he thinks we can work things out, but the only time he does that is when I ask him to. I gave up on all the things that made me uncomfortable such as him going out and drinking with his friends, but he can't seem to understand that all I want in return is reassurance. What can I do to help him regain confidence in our relationship, and how can I make him see that I will do practically anything to make him happy as my boyfriend?
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reader, unidentified111 +, writes (24 April 2005):
You are me a few years ago! One of the things I've realized is that although some behaviors have to be altered when they make your partner uncomfortable, don't change who you are. He loves you and he should love you even without you going over the moon and back for him. That said, an argument is inherently an ugly thing. Instead of bringing up the argument over and over and asking for reassurance, focus on the positive. Remember who you were when you first met and BE that person. What drew him to you in the first place? Start acting like that person and that'll remind him what he loves about you. That, more than anything else you guys can say to each other, is the only thing that can restore his confidence in the relationship. If he still has gripes after that, explain in a rational way that you didn't like the way either of you behaved while arguing and that you should both be sorry to each other. Then remind him that making up is the best part of fighting...the bigger the fight, the better the makeup. Also, time heals MOST wounds. It'll be awkward for a little while but things typically go back to normal after the dust settles. Good luck!
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