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writes: I am married with a child of 5. Me and my husband separated for at least 3 months. I ended breaking it off with my husband as there was no affection, love or even conversation. We were more like brother & sister. He spoke down to me, made me feel really small at times and I just gave up pretending to people things were fine. So I started going out a little more often with my friends and ended up having an affair with a guy I met that I know from the gym. This went on for 2 months during the break up with my husband, then things went pear shaped with him. Hhe was just looking for fun (basically just using me). So I am now back with my husband so completly has changed & I know does dote on me but I just have no sexual chemistry with him at all. I dont know if this is a guilt thing or I just have a problem but I had a complete sexual thing with the guy I had an affair with. I just couldn't get enough of him. I wish I could have this with my husband ! My hubby is so the opposite now compared to before. We never kissed or held hands and he never ran around after me. He is now doing all this and it just doesn't feel right at all. I am so confused I just don't know what I want and how I feel. I don't know if it was just lust & attention from the guy that I had the affair with that made me feel good as my husband can give me this and a hell of a lot more but it just isn't the same..........
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2005): Having the affair was fresh and new and that makes it feel good. Did you ever feel that way with your husband? If not he may have been the wrong guy from the beging. But it does sound like your husband is trying very hard to win you over again. If did feel those same feeling for your husband at one time you should at least give it your all the way he seems to be doing. You may feel strange because you feel guilty for having something with someone else and you are just trying to make excuses to why you would do such a thing to him. Stop beating yourself up. No one is perfect and everyone would love to have that feeling of new and exciting again. Try to have that with your husband again and see if you can't see thing differently. But mostly just allow your self to be happy!
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