A
male
age
36-40,
*dkcatch22
writes:Well in previous questions i addressed issues that i had with my long distance girlfriend and had ended it all. She later came around talking about compromising and resolving all of our issues and we started up again and it went great. So we decided that we would meet up immediately. we live in different countries so it was hard but there we were, we spent a few weeks together and i left more troubled than i got there.I love her very very very much, with all my heart, but once we met (for the first time) i ran into a wall. I was not physically attracted to her. I felt so horrible, like i was a horrible person because of it, she was so sweet and kind and a wonderful person, but i wasent into her sexually or physically. When it came down a few days later to actually have sexual intercourse i wholeheartedly did not want to do it, but felt obliged to because she had come all this way and she loved me also, but i have never felt that before with any girl, the reluctance to actually have sex with them. i preformed but in my mind i was somewhere else. and when she tried to after that, i felt like i was a female, giving excuses about being worn out or sleepy. i feel like such a horrible person, we had all these plans about marriage, kids, moving in together and she was so hurt when i said i was gonna stay in the US and study and work instead of moving in with her. i love her and didnt want to hurt her but i knew i couldent keep lying to her and she needs to move on. i later heard she was being suicidal and threw up at work and im more and more worried and would like to call her but im scared it will send mixed signals.i guess my question is...should i disconnect from her entirely to let her move on with her life? or should i help her get through this (which sounds wrong because im causing her pain so how can i help her through it?) im very confused, i love her and care for her, but i know i cant be with her and shes totally in love with me and now not taking care of herself.please give me some advice.thanks.
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at work, different countries, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): I'm not sure I understand? You were dating but didn't know what she looked like?
I think you should let her down easy
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (6 July 2011):
 This is exactly why NO one should start making promises of a "Happily Ever After" when you meet someone online until AFTER you meet them and see if you are compatible!
Not even the words I LOVE YOU should be uttered without really knowing and spending time with eachother.
Of course she is hurt, you promised her the moon and she believed in the dream and fantasy. You had sex with her, even when you did not want to!
She gave her all and felt loved and wanted. Then you made her feel rejected and ugly. That kind of pain is horrible.
You should feel bad. What you did was foolish.
Leave her be and hopefully the people who really know and love her will help her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2011):
 The best thing that you can do here is to just have no contact with her. I know that you are worried about her off course you are but if you contact her it will only open the wounds up further and leave her more confused than ever. It is not your fault that you where not attracted to her, it was just one of these things so don't feel guilty about it. A relationship could never work if you are not attracted to her so it is better now that you let her go than to lead her on even further in to this.
I am afraid you cannot help her over come this. I am sure she has friends that will help her get by this and in time she will be OK again. I am sure it is hard on you as well because you fell for her deeply. I guess it is just one of those things in life and the best thing that you can do is to let her go with no contact. It is the only way that she will heal.
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