A
female
age
36-40,
*haashiie
writes:My boyfriend and I got in our first fight after 5 months of dating and now 4 months of being boyfriend/girlfriend.. not so bad for just having our first fight. It was a HUGE fight and I won't go into details because it will take a very long time to explain, but I slept over the night after and the next morning while he was in the shower I did something I swore to myself I'd never do and I went through his phone. Now he told me his ex caught him going through her phone once and I told him I didn't like that because it only causes problems because that's how I found out my ex was talking to another girl and he never came clean about it even with the evidence in front of him. My current boyfriend told me I could go through his phone and I told him no, that's fine, I don't want to. Now I wanna stick my foot in my mouth because I opened his texts and it was a list of the people's names and as soon as I saw that they disappeared! I don't know what happened, he has a droid and I have an iphone and I don't know how his phone works. I know his phone is messed up, though. So anyway the only thing I saw before it disappeared was the name on top of the list and it was this girl he used to hook up with's name. I didn't see the convo or anything. Later that day I clicked on her facebook page and it was private but you can see some stuff on her wall and in March (me and bf were together obviously) she went from a relationship to single and he liked it. I was just going to let the whole texting thing go because God knows what it said, but now that made me suspicious. What do you think? Should I confront him, or let it go because I'm the one who invaded his privacy? It's eating at me and I wish I never checked! Our relationship, aside from the fight, is so good. No other reasons not to trust him, but I've just been burned so bad before in the past and I feel like if I don't confront him I'll end up being suspicious of everything until I know for sure and it'll put a rift between us. Also, keep in mind that the reason we got into the fight was something that affected my trust for him a little bit. It was just a huge misunderstanding in the end, but that is the reason I decided to look in his phone in the first place. I didn't just do it out of the blue or anything. I still am kicking myself anyway, though!!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 April 2012):
 The problem with cell phones and social network sites is that they allow for privacy. It's okay to want privacy, but when you're with someone, the book of who you are needs to be more open than it would be with someone outside that relationship. You've been burned and in having been your disposition is lack of trust. 9 times out of 10, if you are suspicious, the suspicions are generally correct, however, you want to make sure because of the natural suspicions you came into the relationship with because of your past. I would do some more checking before confronting, because you don't want your trust to be ruined without having solid proof to what you confront him about.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): This sounds like a tricky situation. I have in fact had trust issues in the past with my ex boyfriend and things like what your going through actually broke us up. Personally i think him liking the girls status is just harmless and there was proberly nothing on his phone otherwise he wouldnt leave it lying about and without a password, but too ease your mind maybe you should sit him down and just ask him how he feels about you and how does he see the relationship is going.
My best advice is too leave it and if anything else comes up that makes you suspicious then have it out with him and ask for some answers.
Good luck x
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