| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone. I'm 17, a feamle senior in high school. I took a two-semester class last year with the same teacher. I realized after getting to know him for some time that I felt like I really connected with him. Obviously, this progressed into deeper feelings. This year, I have a semester class with him. I'd like to add that I did not do this on purpose-- forces outside of my control interfered. He's married and has no kids. Because I've been in his classes, he knows me pretty well. Sometimes we talk and joke, but there has never been anything overt, nor do I expect there to be; from what I can tell, he does not harbor any special feelings toward me. I understand that revealing my feelings is unwise, and I've kept a lid on it-- my intent is not to make it obvious; that's just embarrassing...and I do not want him to feel uncomfortable. I'm trying to be mature about it and respect his job and his life while suffering privately. My question is this: When I'm 18 and I've graduated, do you think I could write a letter to him expressing my emotions? Provided I expressly state that I don't expect anything at all in return, I understand the problems with my feelings, and I am moving on with my life to college next year, etc.? Simply to let him know that I think he's an amazing person who, under different circumstances, I could've seen as someone I'd give a chance to? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): Hi.
You sound so much like me 4 years ago! I'm now 20 and sure I posted a similar comment once about my feelings for a male teacher. I was crazy about him for about 4 years, wasn't interested in males my own age(even though I knew nothing would ever happen) and couldn't stop thinking about him. Then I found out he was leaving, and I have never cried so much in my life. But I slowly came to terms with the fact, and decided to get him a goodbye card and say (kind of...) what I felt for him. I gave the card to him with some beer, he gave me a hug and kiss...and that was goodbye. It took me about a year to get over him, now I rarely think about him. Write the letter- I did, and dont regret it at all. Good luck. Believe me, I know how you feel!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPica and Nyx, thanks for your wisdom... maybe I should ask this...what exactly should I say in my letter if I do send it to him? Should I explicitly state that it's not my intention to ruin his marriage or interfere with his life? And how do I get that across without sounding like a hypocrite? Obviously, writing the letter is going to change things... I'm just trying to figure out what kind of tone I should take to have a letter which sounds well thought-out and mature, not some gushing, corny love note...you know what I mean?
...............................
A
female
reader, Nyx  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 To answer Pica's question: nothing, but a great relief for the soul. It will help us from feeling regretful that we did not do or say anything when we had the chance. And that could be as simple as thanking someone for their assistance to confessing their love at the right time. As long as the comments do not mentally harm anyone or ruin any relationship, it should be fine.
...............................
A
female
reader, pica +, writes (5 December 2006):
If you write a letter to him expressing great love, what do you expect him to do with that information? Seriously, why would you do that? I think it crosses a line that you really don't need to go anywhere near. You admire and respect the guy, that's fine. He's doing his job. When you win an Oscar/Nobel/whatever you can attribute it all to him ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, Nyx +, writes (5 December 2006):
Lol! I had the exact same dilemma (except the teacher was not married)!
If he wasn't married, I would have posted a super long reply, but he is, so therefore he should have a "lookie no touchy" sign seared into his forehead.
Well, especially in a high school situation, the last thing you'd want to mention to your teacher is that you're infatuated with him. Like you've mentioned, it will create an uncomfortable tension between you two. He may feel the need to secure his job, and spend less time with you or if he does reciporcate the feelings - I'd say RUN!
"Simply to let him know that I think he's an amazing person who, under different circumstances, I could've seen as someone I'd give a chance to?"
Yes, I would definitely recommend writing a letter to him after you've graduated (but you don't have to wait until you're legal - it honestly makes no difference, because he's already taken). I have written a thank-you letter to my own teacher before I turned 18, but my attraction to him was only hinted at. I plan to tell him about it when I turn 19 (my life is a little complicated right now, and it will give me a chance to get acquainted with him outside the classroom.)
Also, there's nothing wrong with telling someone they're attractive and if you'd ever meet someone like them, you'd easily date them! It's actually a flattering comment to many male teachers and professors. As long as you don't interfere with his marriage (or ask him out if he's single), I see no problem here.
Best Wishes,
Nyx
P.S - I've hugged my teacher after I graduated. But that's because he's the touchy-feely type, and likes embrace all his former students.
And if you'd like I could check the letter for you before you give it to him (to save you from any possible embrassment). Just message me. =)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I'm trying to get ideas on how to work this out. The last thing I want to do is be one of your typical schoolgirl crush scenarios, dismissed before I can get a word in. The teacher I like is not the "hottie" teacher, nor the most popular teacher in the school. He's quite a bit older than me. I'm really not sure if he knows what I think-- I'm kind of a very outgoing and eccentric/crazy person with everyone, so a lot of random, werid things I do and say are considered normal for me. He probably doesn't suspect anything there. Whenever I see him outside of class, I have a reason to be there. And we've never hugged or anything like that. I don't know...hope it works out. Thanks again for your ideas and help!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): Yes, I think it is better for you to be graduated before writing him a letter about your emotionals feeling toward him. But I think is better for you to look for somebody else who is single and ready for a real love, cox the woman to that you are having a emotional feeling toward my think you are the cost of her not having children for her home, and she may also think her husband have be having an fair with you right even when you were in school and a student, though he has never, but I think the best way for you is to find out you right partner, no just the one you are having feeling for. Cox it is better to find who love you most and not the one you love most, cos if you fellow the one you love most and not the one that love you most, you can end up regreting it.
I think this will help you i some way. Thanks and best luck to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): Yes, you could write the letter, but he might just place it in his collection of "letters from infatuated former students file." As a former teacher, I can tell you that if he is at all perceptive, it's likely he already knows what you think, and you need not bother writing that letter (if you do write it, you could then shred it). My final word of advice would be for you to wait until the beginning of your sophomore year of college to write any letter which you would send to him.
...............................
|
