A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:long story, so sit down, get a cup of tea or something, and get ready to read.me and toby have known each other since we were around 12. we started dating, actually, but obviously it was nothing serious. after a very difficult break up (he didnt like his birthday present) we surprisingly remained friends the whole way through high school. however, there remained "something" between us the whole time, which varied in strength throughout high school, but nevertheless, was always there. it was kind of just underlining for most of high school, i.e. if he was dating anyone i'd be jealous, and vice versa. i always remained good friends with him, but around two years ago at a party, he kissed me for the first time since we were like 13. oh yeah, i didnt actually mention that he's actually like. flawlessly beautiful. not just to me, to everyone really. he models and stuff, but in a quirky nerdy way rather than like pure six pack stomach and that. i mean, i'd never ever even have a chance with anyone like him normally really, just we get along SO SO well. anyway, he kissed me at this party, and from then on, whenever we were drunk together we'd kiss. but they were only drunken kisses; apparently he did like me, but to be honest i never felt anything real for him at the time. until recently.very recently, over the past few months, we've become uber close. we see each other pretty much every day, and there's nobody in the world who i'd rather spend time with. he is funny, witty, nice (sometimes), and just a beautiful person to be with. thats probably the stem of the problem, he has SUCH an addictive personality it's very very very difficult to stick up to him. he always manipulates the situation if he's in the wrong, making you feel as if you should apologize to him. he's an arse to me quite a lot of the time, storming out my house without saying goodbye etc.anyway, he's an extremely confusing people. though i've known him most of my life, there is a lot i dont know about him. he seems to have a lot of secret. strange people i dont know in his phonebook. name dropping people i've just never heard of. what i'm concluding is that with some of these people he's got a little "thing" going on. i mean just like texts and emails and stuff. also, the one person he keeps mentioning is a boy (he's bi, but very very touchy about it, so i couldnt ever mention this, especially because i'm in this kind of situation with him). it just hurts me so much when he's horrible to me; its half a joke most of the time but it still hurts me. he's quite a difficult person to be serious with and he'd turn the situation round anyway. we also lost our virginity together earlier this year. he's very close with all my friends (all his close friends are girls), and i cant talk to any of my friends about it because they don't understand our relationship. i can't count all the times i've cried over him because he just seems not to care. if i ever try and get close to him he'll be like AWW GET OFF. i know it's kind of a joke, but still. i know i could just bugger off and get someone else, but i dont want to lose the relationship we have. i love having this special relationship with an absolutely amazing guy who is perfect in my eyes. perfect. i love him so much, but he doesn't seem to care. but then again, he's told me he does care, he's said he loved me before... but urgh i dont know what to do.we're going away to university after the summer; different ones. i know i guess i should wait it out, but i cant stand the uncertainty and he hurts me daily. just things like he said to me the other day "oh yeah, i'm going to stay in a hotel with my friend on friday night" and i was like, "who?", and he was like "oh this girl called jessica" (NEVER EVER heard of her). and it's like, we're not going out, so i can't say anything. but it still really upset me. i did say to him "ugh i hate when you do that, like name drop people you've never mentioned to me before" and he was like "oh so i'm not allowed to have other friends you've not heard of now, am i?"on the one hand, getting away from him after the summer will be a huge relief. but on the other hand, i love him so much, i cant stand to leave him. it will be one of the hardest things i will ever have to do, and i bet he doesnt even care. but i still love him, and i cant bear to see him with other people :( please help me :|
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 July 2009):
 Hello, moving away to University will open up a whole new world to you of places and people like you have never experienced before. You will become more independent and hopefully more confident as you develop into a young adult. Adolescence is a very confusing time for most people and relationships can be very tricky at this age. I am not saying it gets easier with age as some people never get the hang of these things, but more experience does help! You have known Toby for many years and he is like a comfortable pair of slippers. I am inclined to think that your friend has confidence issues because all this name-dropping suggests that he feels the need to be important and socially popular. That is the image he is trying to convey to you because you are important to him - all the drama like storming out of the house is just because he is putting his needs first (an unfortunately common trait in teenage boys). You may think this person is your rock at the moment esp. given your sexual connection, but when you move away you will meet other people. You may still have feelings for him but meeting other people will put this into perspective - everyone has a first love, but most people can move on from that person while retaining good memories of them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): i hate to say dis to u...what ar u doing with someone dat does not care about u.1stly he is very manipulative,a lier,a cheat and very controlling.he has u under hes spel n u jst dnt seem to get dat.u love him so much n u ar forgettin about urslf.u need to forget about hm n move clearly ur boyfriend does nt appreciate u.move on before its too late.or you can tel him how u feel n dat he shud change hes attitude towards u.
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