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After his surgery he thinks I'm going to leave him, how can I sort this?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been with my partner for amost 3 years and we have talked about having a baby i already have one child who is 7 but seem to be having trouble getting pregnant so we have gone to the fertility clinic i had to have a operation 2 months ago to see was there anythin wrong with me the operation was ok and there is nothing wrong with me my partner did a sperm test and he was ok since i had the operation he has turned so cold and bitter towards me and has now said he dont want to have a child with me he has said this for no reason at all. He started smoking cannabis heavily and meeting other women and on dating sites he has told me notig has happened with anyone else and i have argued with him about this whichended in him walking out and it never got sorted he always turns everythin around on to me and says its me or in my head when ever i go out with friends he says i have been with another man and makes it so hard for me.

We then found out he had cancer in the testicle and it had to be removed and he then started telling me i was goin to leave him because of this he had his operation a few days ago and was home the same day he has been lying on the soa since he got out of hospital asleep most the day ad keeping me up all night and if i dont do as he says he starts shouting at me, he shouts at my daughter for watching cartoons or even playing in the living room, yes my daughter is loud and can be a pain but i really do not know what to do, everything was ok till we went to the fertililty clinc going to the fertility clinc was both our idea.

He has had to bank sperm for in the future and has said to me you will be lucky if you use it but then says to me are you going to leave me because i got cancer and twists everything. i dont know what to do anymore, i love him but cannot carry on like this. Has anyone got any advice.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (31 May 2010):

YouWish agony auntYou should leave him for smoking cannabis and exposing your daughter to it. He's yelling at your daughter and looking at other women. Apparantly, he's not happy with his life, and the two of you would be better off not together. You do not want to have a child with a guy who hasn't learned to deal with hardship maturely.

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A male reader, RyanS United Kingdom +, writes (30 May 2010):

RyanS agony auntOnce a person starts smoking cannabis, many decision making skills go for a toss. He has been behaving badly with you and I am not sure if its going to improve. Does he have a job at all? Tell him you won't leave him for his cancer, but you could leave him for his behavior. I hope you are financially independent to make a tough choice if this becomes unbearable. You would not be wrong in walking away, either short-term or forever. Wish you happiness.

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