A
female
age
41-50,
*agunn
writes:my husband and i have been together for 6 years, been married for 7 months, have a 4 year old son and a baby due in 3 weeks. we have had hard years, my husband was in an accident and wasnt able to work for a year due to amputation, i have stuck by him through his depression, nursed him when he couldnt move etc i would do anything for him. he uses cannabis and this is always first with him, he has a few every night, it is not in the house as i wont let him, but he is out everynight to his cubby hole for a couple of hours, leaving me on my own with our son. i feel so alone all the time and when i ask him to put us first and stop, he says no. i cant go on like this anymore, but i am scared to loose him as i love him so much, we have been through so much together and we get on great apart from his habbit. i feel that me and the kids are always last on his list and i am sick of it. what do you think i should do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lagunn +, writes (17 January 2007):
lagunn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe was using this when i met him, alot heavier than he is now but i think it is time for family first now. i think he should be a role model rather than still trying to be one of the boys. his accident was 4 years ago, just 6 weeks before our son was born. i have been at him several times since then about it, it is a shame as we get on so good together and this is our only problem. he waits till our son is in bed before he goes out, but i am left on my own everynight, its not nice. if our son wakes up when he is out or during the night it is always me that has to get him back settled again as i will not let our son near him when he is stunned. he is a good father when he does get time to spend with his son, our son always says than he never does anything with him, which breaks my heart in hearing. he is working long hours just now to provide for his family, thats what i mean when he is a good fella, just doesnt put us all first. i am scared to loose him, but it is time to put me and the kids first. he did try cutting back and only going a couple of nights but he couldnt then get to sleep and was tossing and turning all night so he wewnt back to every night. he has made a great recovery from his accident, he still suffers from depression but that is passing. i feel horrible making him choose as he has done this before we met but it is time to grow up, all his mates that used to do it has now stopped. it must be good stuff if you choose that over your wife, son and baby in 3 weeks!!
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hey there,
Firstly, I'm sorry to hear of your husbands accident. That must have been really hard but shows what a supportive and loving person you are to stand by him the way you have. Good on you for sticking by your marriage vows when a lot of people probably would have ran.
I have a chronic condition and I use cannibis for medicinal purposes - did your husband start smoking pot for a similar reason after his accident and in the process get hooked? If he is back working now and your lives are back on track, then there is no reason for him to continue smoking several times a night, especially when you have made clear that it isn't acceptable in your marriage. After everything you have done for him he should be putting you and your feelings first, or at least trying to understand where you are coming from.
Have you tried reaching some sort of comfortable compromise with him? Perhaps he could cut back (at first) and only have it a few times a week, like on the weekend, and the rest of the time he usually smokes he could take your son out for some father-son time.
You say he leaves you with your son to go and get high, have you told him straight out that he is basically missing his sons life in his own cloud of smoke? I think your husband needs a serious wake-up call. He has to stop feeling sorry for himself about the accident (if that is what he is trying to escape from) and if he really is adament he isn't going to change this, then I think it's ultimanm time! Either he gets help for his addiction or you and your son are out of here. Family comes first - you need to find a way to make him realise that.
Please keep me posted on how things go. xxx
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