A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I'm a little confused about how to deal with a situation I have found myself in... I am currently studying in university, away from home as are the rest of my friends from home (we are right across England) and one of my friends invited us all up to her uni for her birthday. After having a little too much to drink one of my oldest friends and I ended up having sex. The next day we didnt say anything (even though it was very awkward) as all of our other friends were around and then we were all off to catch our seperate trains and the such. My problem is that this is the guy who I would have gone to to talk about this with if it had been with anyone else and someone I'm not very attracted to. I don't what to do... Should I forget about it? Talk to him about it? or what? We've both just come out of long term relationships (his mutual and mine rather messy) and I know I'm not ready for any kind of relationship yet but I also know that he isnt the type to 'mess around' with a friend for fun... I'm just not sure how to approach him the next time we meet up?
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male
reader, ArsenalFC87  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 ahh the things we do when we're sh!tfaced... I suggest you act like nothing happend when you do meet up with him again. Act like you normally would around him if the two of you hadn't made arrangements. I know thats easier said than done, but it leaves the ball in his court and gives you a chance to determine if he has strong feelings about what happend or not. This also gives you a chance to develop a good exit strategey, if he does in fact want something more with you.
If he does end up wanting to pursue something with you, i suggest you simply tell him that you cherish the friendship you guys you currently have and you dont want to risk losing it by engaging in an intimate relationship.
this will let him down easy and not hurt his self esteem by having him think hes not good enough for you.
Play the "im being the rational friend here and doing whats best for the both of us because i truly care about you" card. His feelings might be hurt, but not nearly to the extent of you telling him you just arent attracted to him.
Wish i could be of more help. Ive hooked up with girls that i considered only close friends due to drunken nights and its cost me some good friendships. Hopefully he doesnt get too bent out over this. Thats the beauty of college, theres always another opportunity to meet someone else. make sure you remind him of that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): make it into a joke, if he loves you (as a best friend should) he'll make a joke out of it too, he's probley feeling just as akward, and waiting for you to take the next step. at the same time, if you dont want a relationship, then he'll get the picture, but try to look past it as he would have to care about you so he probley isnt going to want to throw the friendship away. do him a favor and take the first step to save you two from loosing your friendship
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 December 2010):
 It was just drunken sex, it doesn't lead to a relationship. So you both had bad judgement, and it's possible it's been a while since you both have had sex. Neither of you were in a relationship, no one got hurt emotionally, and there are no feelings involved. It is what it is. If you speak to him about it, that will make the situation more awkward than it is. I would brush it off as you had too much to drink, and it was a one time. However, if he brings it up next time you see him just apologize for your actions and next time you'll watch your alcohol intake.
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A
female
reader, muffins124 +, writes (1 December 2010):
I think you should just approach him normally. Start talking about your day and ask him about his, or something else if you prefer. Then, gently bring up the situation and tell him that you two wouldn't have done it if you and him weren't drunk. Tell him that you should forget it and just be friends! That's all i can tell you... Good Luck!
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