A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am getting back with my ex-girlfriend after 2 years of her dating some jerk. It really bothers me, that she broke up with me..and then went out with him. She didn't break up with me because of him, I"m sure of this. Should I bring it up? Like.."why him?" I know I'm the better guy and it ended up she realized this. Am I rubbing it in her face about this, if I ask?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): You should have thought about it before getting back with her, you shouldn't get back with her then question what she did when she wasn't with you, you weren't together! Get over it and be happy she's with you now if you dwell on the past you'll just break up again
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2013):
 You are very brave to get back with an ex after a 2 year hiatus. Why did she break up with you in the first place?
Why does it bother you that after she broke up with you she moved on with her life? If you loved her you would be happy for her.
The truth is asking her “why him” is a useless exercise and will result in NOTHING being gained.
You are NOT the better guy. YOU are a DIFFERENT guy. If you can’t get past this fact and the fact that what she did and who she did it with while you two were not together is none of your business, then I don’t think this reconciliation will work.
Why did she break up with you? Has that reason changed?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 I think this stems from the hurt she caused you when she ended the relationship. The question is not what she saw in the other guy, i swhether you can trust your heart with her.There no guarantees and I have been in your shoes, it did not work out as I could never completely love and trust him again. So you are best judge of whether you are willing to trust a person that caused you so much pain that two years later , you are still not over her.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Truly think about the reason why you are asking. Then ask yourself whether or not you would risk the renewal of your relationship in order to satisfy your ego?
If she's with you, that means you are the better guy. If he was the better guy, then she'd be with him. To bring it up as if her ex threatens you makes you look insecure. If you truly believe yourself to be the better guy, than you have no need to ask.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): I often advise people to wipe the slate clean when they decide to go back to a former relationship. You're not picking up where you left off, you're starting from a new beginning. All past sins forgiven.You have something stuck in your gizzard; which I advise you to swallow and let bygones be bygones. You asked if it would be rubbing it in her face? It must be in the back of your mind. You said it, we didn't.You are best advised to deflate your ego and humble yourself to a second chance that is rarely given. Don't punish her, because it will only fall back on you. Did you take her back with the intent to break her heart for breaking yours? Why him? If you're going to blow your second chance. Why you? Is vindictiveness one of the reasons she may have left you before? That is evil. I want to feel you're above that. I'm working on getting a relationship back as we speak. You must forgive and allow yourself to purge any animosity or resentment you are harboring for the other guy, and you must move forward with nothing in your heart but love for that woman.I'm reading the advice of others and I intend to incorporate all that I've read into my own situation. I only tried to communicate hurtful things someone was doing to me, and they decided ending it is the way to deal with it. I am willing to work it out. If he isn't, I will move on and I won't look back. He told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I'm the one making the first move toward reconciliation. I'm willing to forgive. I will not sacrifice my happiness for anyone. So I empathize with her to some degree.Please, please, please extinguish any fires burning inside you, unless they are the fires of passion. If you simply want to admonish her for leaving you for him, you could have done that without taking her back.I wish you joy and happiness. You both are giving it a second chance. You've got it. For me, it's still up in the air. Would you like to trade places?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 April 2013):
What do you hope to gain from asking things like that?
BTW you'll rarely get an honest answer; you'll get a carefully worded response that's designed to make you happy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 April 2013):
 Sure .... bring up the subject of this guy who YOU think you are so-much-better-than..... AND, thereby, let her "know" just how stupid you think that SHE IS in picking guys who she'll date....
THAT should be "just the ticket" to scuttle ANYTHING you might have been able to get going with her!!!!
THINK TWICE..... (then, thing AGAIN!!!!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): If you cannot let the past go then do not get back with your ex. The worst thing you can do is bring garbage from the past into the new relationship because such will only insure it will again fail and the whole reunion will be nothing more than a waste of time stewing in old stale rotten rancid rank unnecessary bullshit. So if you want to go forward leave the shit in the past. Don't waste that woman's time. Be happy and move forward free of bullshit!!!!
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