A
female
age
30-35,
*izzyfaceUK
writes:I have been with my partner for 4 years. we Live Together and until towards the end of last year everything seemed fine with us.recently though everything he does/or doesnt do rather irritates the life out of me.he no longer comes to bed at night with me. he stays up and watches films or plays online gaming.i have asked him to come to bed but says he isnt tired, but that i should go in. but within 5/10 mins of me going into bed i can hear him snoring on the sofa.he has spent the last 3 weeks on the sofa.he complains if there is a mess in our home but yet never cleans it himself. he never picks up after himself, takes bin out or even washes a dish. if i ask him to help (in a nice manner) he kicks off and tells me that he does enough round here. when infact he does nothing. he wont even take our dog out to the toilet or even pop ACROSS THE STREET to the shops. i honestly do everythingOur Love Life Is Non Existent. has been for 3 months or so. but has been getting worse over the past year.Please help me in what i can do?how can i make the break up a smooth transition??
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 February 2014):
 You two live together, is the place YOURS or HIS? or do you share it? Rent or own?
If you own it together, you two need to either SELL it and get 50/50, which means you BOTH need to find new homes.
If it's yours, give him 30 days to move out.
If it's his, find a new place to live, remove yourself (your name) from all utility bills/shared bills. Tell him it's over, pack up and move out.
If you rent together and are in on a lease, I'd remove myself from the lease, find a new place and move out.
He is doing this because he has checked out emotionally and now physically from the relationship. He is just waiting for you to be annoyed enough to end it. That way YOU can be the "bad guy' by breaking up.
I DO agree with Cerberus, if he has recently been laid off, lost his job or something like that it might explain it.
Either way you NEED to decide if you want to try and WORK on it, and that means sitting him down and talking about what is going on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): If he's been on the sofa for three weeks - that is a sign that something is deeply wrong. No one, unless there is a good reason, sleeps on the sofa when they could be cosy in a bed. With the other issues you mention - it sounds as if the relationship has run its course. I would suggest he moves out for a while so you can both take stock. There is no reason to cling on to a relationship which clearly isn't working for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): Unless he's always been like this it sounds like a rut. If he's not working then he may have gotten into a cycle of depression and while it is something that can be worked past with time and patience, I think it's unfair for you have to have to live this way and pick up after him.
OP making a smooth transition from a break up means first taking care of all practical matters, without telling him you're doing these things. Sorting out another place to live, getting your finances sorted, having your support network ready to back you up and letting your family know what you're planning.
In your situation I'd start putting money away, I'd plan and prepare everything practical I need to get done beforehand because in my experience of break ups, the initial pain and sadness is very distracting and practical matters take a back seat to the emotional turmoil. Having less things to worry about and consider really makes life a lot easier.
First try and figure out whether this is salvageable. Whether this is how he lives his life or whether it's a temporary rut that you're willing to work through as long as he does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2014): Breaking up is hard and it's emotional. There is no easy way.
Either you gather the courage and just do it; or you let the agony drag on.
You're only irritated, because you're waiting for him to breakup with you. I guess you'll have to breakup with him. He's got it made. You cook, clean, and take care of him.
End it.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 February 2014):
 So I guess you have already decided you want to break up and not work to fix things? At least that's what I gather from your last sentence. And here I was, prepared to write on how to try to get your spark back.
If you're dead set on breaking up, I have a feeling it won't be as hard as you think. It sounds like he has begun emotionally checking out of the relationship, as well. You say he's been sleeping on the couch for three weeks - that's your sign right there. He's not happy, either.
I think if you want a break up, this one may come relatively easy. Just sit him down and tell him it's no longer working as you're not happy anymore. And that you (or he) should move out and on with your lives seperately. I doubt he will resist or argue with you.
Good luck.
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