A
female
age
36-40,
*ruthplease
writes:I met this man over this past summer in June that I thought was amazing. He was here for a 3 month internship and was going to leave to go back and finish his last year of school in a town 6 hours away (45 min plane ride). I met him through my friends, a few weeks after we met we started dating, and 3 weeks before he left we made it official to be bf/gf. From the time I met him I was always doing nice things for him. I threw him a birthday party and invited all my friends, gave him a tour of the city I lived with surprise tickets to a show that he loved, surprised him with a massage, my mom would cook him meals all the time, I took care of him and was the only one there when he had to go to the Emergency Room one night until the morning, threw him a goodbye party and invited all my friends, made him a goodbye album putting all the pictures from the 3 months we were together in an album and writing memories next to each picture (about 200 of them!) which took me around 5 hours. He told me that I was the sweetest and most caring gf he had ever had and that he had never received such a thoughtful gift as the one that I had given him (the album) and that he was going to make a pdf of the album and send it to his mom who was in another country because she would love it and it would make her so happy that someone is doing this for her son. He also asked me if at christmas time I wanted to go on a trip with him and that he wanted to show me around and have me meet his parents. He would talk about potential for marriage in the days before he left and that he thought I was wife material. The night before he left I helped him pack his things up into his car until 3:30am in the morning and cleaned his entire place so he could turn it over to the landlord, then we cuddled next to eachother and I was emotional and crying so he was assuring me that we would go back and forth and see eachother and that everything was going to be ok and he really liked me and we were going to make this work. The first week he had left he was not contacting me much but everytime I did contact him he would respond sweetly and tell me he missed me. The second week a bit more distant but still felt like we were together. This past week was the third week he had been gone it was also our few months anniversary so I had sent him a sweet letter in the mail saying I missed him with a picture of us. A few days ago when he got the letter he called me at night thanked me for it and told me he was busy in over his head TAing for a class, taking over the number of units, applying for jobs, etc and that he did not even have time to think about anything. But that he missed me and asked when I would come see him. I also have a busy schedule with school so I said I can look at my schedule and figure out a time to come. So he said ok and said the usual kisses and miss you thing and we hung up. The next morning at 8am he sends me this text:Sorry but we can't continue. I didn't know how to tell you on the phone, but we really can't. Please feel free to date other people and I'll be doing the same thing too"I responded: "After everything you are telling this on a text message? :( That hurts, thanks a lot"And he never responded to that and it has been 3 days. I have tried hard not to call or text him at all and I won't be. But I am in total shock and disbelief it was like a bullet to my heart after all he had promised and all I had done for him he did not even have the respect of calling me and just ending it politely. I have been having major anxiety and crying and I don't know how to move on. Please help :((
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 September 2014):
 You had a summer fling and you totally spoiled him. Your energy was so focused on pleasing him and showering him with love. It was intense because you wanted to make each moment last. You didn't really know him so this break up came as a shock. As to why he could do this. There can be many possibilities. Maybe his life that he described to you was actually a sham. He is actually married with kids. He has terminal cancer. (I was thinking why would he end up in the emergency room?) He is a criminal. He is in loads of debt. Or something very simple. He just wanted a good time. I can tell you it's nothing at all about you. He basically was too coward to tell you the truth so he did it in far away distance. He also couldn't deal with the emotions through your voice.
A way to move on is not blame yourself for misjudging a person, or believing that somehow a part of you attract flaky guys. You have lots of love to give and you have to be choosy about who to give that love to. Because you are a kind person, you are bound to meet a quality guy and enjoy a good relationship. Don't forget, stay away from guys who will be going away to another place.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 September 2014):
 You did *WAY* too much for him and went really overboard with the stuff you did for him. You can't *do* enough to buy or gain someone's love for you. You were there doing all of these things, spending so much time, etc. I read that and thought that it actually felt like a clingy vibe. If he had sneezed, you would have been there with a hanky for him, and that isn't really what love is.
Not only that, but 3 months in and you were already talking about marriage??? If you had met him and were dating 3 weeks in, that means that you were together for 2 months. You overkilled with him big time. He probably felt really smothered by the overattention you did, celebrating few-month anniversaries and stuff.
I think, though, that he was a coward to do it by text. He should have done it by phone if not in person.
You need to play it a bit more cool with the next guy. Let HIM do nice things for you. It comes across as needy to be so overboard like you were. Hanging out all night in an emergency room is nice and all, but it borders on obsession to give him 200 pictures over the past 2 months (3 pictures a day for 2 months average picture taking in your relationship).
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