| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Please advise me what to do! No matter what I do, my boyfriend seems to think we're just very close friends. But that is not how it appears to me or to other people! We've been seeing each other since 2002,and he practically lives at my apartment, sleeps in my bed, calls me every single night when we're not together, and we are like a married couple, at least that is my view. Also, we get asked as couple to dinner parties. He kisses me, and hugs me, but the truth is we haven't had sex since the first few years.He has some kind of a mental block, since he had an affair three years ago. I don't know what to do, as heis my whole life. yet, summer's here and I want to bemore physical.... I couldn't ever go behind his back,that's not me, and I love him too much.Am i doomed to never have sex again??PLease, PLEASE HELP ME1Frustrated in the Summer
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 If your relationship has been sexless for the past 3 years, then you ARE just close friends. He keeps the bond alive because that works for him, out of habit and convenience.
The mental block thing -forgive my bluntness - sounds to me just a kinder way to say " I am not into you anymore ". If he really had a mental block, and if he was worried about the effects it can have on your relationship, he would be seeing a psychiatrist or a sex therapist- he would be be proactively seeking some way to overcome his block. He would not just say " Too bad, I have a block, I guess my partner will have to do with hugs and kisses ".
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): The next time he says that, tell him you'll be happy to split the bills, but you want to be in a relationship with someone who sees you as a lot more than a friend. Forget going behind his back, do it in front of his face...he's using you for his entertainment and convenience... If he wants a roommate that's our choice, but your not in a relationship...
...............................
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (30 June 2010):
Have you ever heard you don't know you miss it until it's gone! and if he says something then just remind him that you are friends! men like strong women and visa versa so if you love him and you really want him you need to be honest w/ him and just tell him that you want to be more then friends and if he can't offer that then you want to move on! be strong and let him see that you are strong, and serious. its your only shot to win him because either way he might walk but what do you do you can't hang on to something that is not there and life is so short. and he needs to let that other thing go out of his head you are not her! and i say if he doesn't wake up hes going to lose the best thing that could of ever came into his life! but you have got to let him miss you in order to realize what you mean to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 If he seems to think you're just "good" friends, then bring up the subject of seeing other people and see how he reacts. If he seems non-challant about it, like it won't bother him when you start dating and having sex with other men, then I'd say press on! You are indeed just friends. But if it ruffles his feathers a bit, use it to propell the relationship out of limbo and into a committment you can both enjoy.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 The only mental block I could think of is that his technique isn't perfect, his mistress hurt his ego, and he's shut down for sex forever. He came back to you fully knowing that you'll take him back as a sexually crippled man. He lost his dream woman, but he gained a friend. You are free to date whoever you want. And stop kissing your friend please. You should be physical in the winter, spring and fall too. It's like you say to him, it's summer time, let's have sex and he tells you, no, I don't have sex with a "friend." Respond with, okay, I will find my boyfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 June 2010):
You're doomed to be unhappy with this guy. Not only has he cheated, he is now saying that you're basically just friends and there is no sex life either. I know you and others seem to think there is some sort of future between you, but this is fast turning into something you don't want to be a part of. There is no point in being with a guy who just sees you as a friend, because at some point he will find another woman who he does love for more than a friend, and you'll get hurt. So many people waste time on partners who aren't worthy, and that's what's happening to you. You're a friend to this guy, and not much more. Instead, he seems to use you as a bed for the night. I'm sorry, but if you want more,then I can't see this going any further. You're just going to get hurt.
...............................
|
