A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my husband has recently started going off the rails after 6 months of marriage and a two year old son. he says he feels trapped and has a lack of freedom, i have never stopped him from doing anything if anything he has had a free reign! i found two text messages on new years day from a girl he works with one said 'we're a match made in heaven' the other i can't remember the exact content from shock, but it was along the lines of spending the new year together. i trust him fully that nothing physical happened but the intention and thoughts were obviously there. he said it was harmless flirting. I'm devastated I thought I was doing everything right but he's says i've neglected us, he needs to feel alive and that's what the texts were about. i need my spark back, i'm all over the place, feel sick i have loads of questions but i don't know if i do want to know the answers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your advice i've tried everything put my all in and he has now announced he is leaving beacuse he's not happy but he won't say what he's not happy about. he went to one councelling session and the councillor's reply was that he has made up his mind and there is very litle they can do for us. i'm just hoping and praying he realises what he his missing and comes home.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): Ask him what he wants and try to give it to him. This is probably a bit of a wakeup call for you both. You need to know what he wants from you in order to stay in this marriage. Children are very demanding but make sure you still have time for your husband. I know myself it's pretty hard juggling a family, home and work life.
He also has to make the effort too.
I would just keep an eye on the text messages though, this girl at his work knows he is married and that obviously doesnt matter to her.
Get yourself all dressed up at home, do more sexy things for him, see if it helps.
I know you feel betrayed, I would too but from my experience getting angry and pushing him away will not help in fact it will push him straight to her, and it sounds like he hasnt gone too far just yet.
If you love him, fight for your relationship.
Marriage is not easy but dont give up, it will only make you stronger...good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): That's the curious thing about getting married - some men subconsciously think that little bit of paper has turned into a ball and chain where previously they were happy in their relationship and a couple stayed together because they wanted to be together. There's a lot to be said for 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'.
You're right to be concerned about the texts. Even if he hasn't actually physically cheated, like you say, the intent is there, which basically is as good as. It's even more worrying that this woman works with him and obviously has close contact throughout nthe working day and in effect probably sees more of him than you do.
There's the possibility that you're showing your son more affection than your husband - whether you realise it or not - and he feels a bit left out. He could be seeing you as the mother of his child rather than his lover.
Whatever - you need to have a serious talk with him and get to the bottom of why this is going on. Whatever those unasked questions are, you need to ask them. Maybe you won't want to hear the answers, but surely it's better to know exactly where you stand rather than being left wondering?
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