A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:During my most recent relationship, I got cheated on by my girlfriend. She did it once fairly early in the relationship, and even though I hated the guy before it happened, she claims to be blackout drunk so I forgave her. She cheated again and the relationship ended. My issue is that now I hate myself. All I can think is that I'm worthless and I am doubting if anyone can ever truly love me. I haven't developed trust issues, I do trust people, I just feel like regardless of who they are, people will get bored of me. I would just like some advice to help get me out of this mindset. If anyone could help me, I'd be very grateful.I am a 22 male, and I know that this is not logical, but I still can't help it.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 July 2016):
 I know how you are feeling, as it has happened to me in the past as well, I blamed myself, thought I was not enough for him, that I wasn't attractive enough, I was boring ect ect. But I grew to learn that he was the one in the wrong, he slept around because he could. Okay so he didn't love me, but that was not my fault.
You gave your ex a second chance because you wanted to believe her that it was a mistake, but this probably just told her that she could get away with it, if she got bored with you then she should have ended it, but she didn't she played around because she wanted to have you as well as other people. She was in the wrong not you. She is not decent human being and I hope karma gets her one day. For now you should take it one day at a time. Be with family and friends, grieve for the loss. If you don't feel improvement after a month then maybe chat to a professional. Good Luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2016): You are having a very common reaction to being cheated on.
Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way.
Don't beat yourself up for being cheated on either. (unless you knowingly tolerated her cheating repeatedly. Then go ahead and beat yourself up for that part.)
This is part of the damage she is doing. She assaulted your self respect. You have to use some mental muscle to forcibly hold onto it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2016):
 OP, don't OWN her bad choices and behaviors.
YOU didn't MAKE her cheat, YOU weren't the one who wasn't "good enough" - she was. She could have CHOSEN to end it and then sleep with someone else. SHE CHOSE to cheat, she CHOSE to disrespect herself, you and the relationship.
HER failure to be a decent partner, not yours.
This too will pass. There is no doubt about that it hurts right now. What is so annoying is that when WE have been cheated on WE feel to blame, we feel inferior, we feel we should have known etc... FACTS are... those feelings are not correct. We are just the kind of people who ASSUME responsibility. People like your cheater ex, don't...
Next time you will do better in picking a mate.
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (10 July 2016):
Hi. How long is it since your relationship ended? And was this your first real relationship? These are important factors in how you currently feel, as you've nothing to compare getting through it with.
I've been cheated on. I threw him out the day I knew, but oh mu god did it hurt. The rejection from them is immense. Even though you are the one to end it, they leave you with no choice so it doesn't feel like you ended it, but them with their actions. It feels like the other person is better than you, your partner picked them after all.
However this is far from true. Its your ex partner who isn't good enough. Not good enough to be faithful, loyal, honest to you. People rarely cheat once. They are of that mind set and moral code or they are not. I've never cheated. I've been tempted, but its not in me to do it.
Please don't let a cat with the morals of the alley ruin any more of your life, or est up any more of your time. Time to heal my friend. Start with a plan.
Gym, time with friends, hobbies, what do you enjoy? Eat well, treat yourself, get to the best you you can be. Keep a journal of your journey from today. Write your aims - they may include ' I will feel good about myself again'. Plan. First thus week then a month. Rate for you feel each day and if you are feeling better.
You can get through this and feel differently. But you have to fight through the first bit the most.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (10 July 2016):
 Your fine. She is just selfish.
Some people just think that they can say and do whatever they want and everyone else can just deal with it.
All you can be is yourself and yes it is more than enough. You just need to meet that right girl.
Dont waste your time on the selfish ones.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2016): Sorry about what happened. I know the pain. I've been cheated on and it sucks like hell.
You can't internalize the wrong-doings of other people. When people do things to hurt you, you can't make it your fault. You're right, that is illogical.
You have a forgiving heart, you gave her another chance. She proved that your trust was misplaced, but you should forgive her still. That doesn't mean you want to take her back, only that you will not waste your energy on anger and resentment. It's toxic, and it has a way of manifesting in bad behavior. You'll take it out on people who haven't done anything to you, or you'll carryover baggage that will sabotage what may be good for you.
You're very young, but not to young to man-up and deal with it. It's not the first time you've been cheated on, nor will it be the last. As long as you date other human beings you'll face behavior that is going to hurt you, and you can only blame yourself for your own bad behavior. Not what drives other people to be dishonest or to betray your trust. There goes that word again. Trust.
I can only suggest that you take this like a man. Meaning, you have had experience with something going wrong in a relationship and by now you have enough experience to realize we recover from such things. It's a bump in the road and resilience and maturity will get you through it.
Not without pain and suffering. That comes with love.
Hating yourself is being a bit of a drama-queen. So give it a rest. All you did was love somebody. You're human and you have your faults, but take blame only when you're owning responsibility for your own actions. These things pass. It's a part of live, and it's what adults go through in relationships. It's all in preparation. It toughens us up, helps us make better selections, and teaches us empathy.
Unless you know how much it hurts, you're likely to do it to someone else with apathy.
My friend, lick your wounds. Go to the gym, work-off some hostility on a punching bag, run, or just find a peaceful place for meditation. You're supposed to hurt when your heart is broken, it's part of the process that helps you to heal and get-over the person who hurt you so much. It also give you some strength and maturity to face other heartache that will surely come your way again someday.
My prognosis. You'll be fine. It just hurts right now. How do I know. Because I've been there and done that. More than once. I'm doing just fine. That's why I'm here to help you.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 July 2016):
Dont superimpose her moral failures onto yourself. If you stayed, then thats on you. Perhaps one thing you can take with you is never give the second chance.
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