A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hi, well im 21 and im having a little trouble being able to 'cum'i've had a few sexual partners but i've never been able to come during sex no matter how long and after a while i get fed up and just want it to be over because im that frustrated. i cant even cum by myself. i can play with myself for ages but i reach to the point where i think im about to come and i pull away, the feeling is just way too much. I just dont know what to do, short of tying and strapping myself down so much that I can't move ! But if that works am I seriously going to have to do that every single time that I want to cum ? I've virtually given up. I'm so lost with this. I love sex, I'd just love to be able to NOT PULL AWAY !!! And I've tried everything, nothing works. Does anyone know why I have to pull away, and why I cant reach my climax ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 April 2011):
Hi there. Well as you have already worked out for yourself, the whole problem is that you don't stick around for long enough. Well not during masturbation anyway.
Perhaps you even think about "not coming" during sex, and focus on that instead of what you are actually physically feeling. If that is the case, then you are missing all the subtle little tingles that happen along the way towards orgasm.
The good thing about masturbation, is you control the intensity of the orgasm by the lightness of your touch. A heavy touch will make the feeling of orgasm perhaps too intense for your liking. On the other hand, a very light gentle touch with your fingers will allow you to feel the more subtle feelings of orgasm, which are every bit as enjoyable as a more intense orgasm.
And by the way, all orgasm are different. Some are very mild, medium, intense and very intense. All dependent on your mood at the time, or how much in the mood you are, if you are tired or unwell. These things all affect your mood and the intensity of your orgasm.
With masturbation, it's simply a case of experimenting with what feels good and what doesn't. It's really that simple.
You have complete control over what happens.
Another good thing about masturbation, is it teaches you what you like and what you don't like, so when you are with someone you can train them to use the right pressure when they touch you. You can control that also.
You must always stop a partner if they hurt you - by too heavy pressure. You must not only pull their hand away, but actually TELL them it hurts when they do something, and ask them to use a lighter touch. Let them know clearly, what you want or don't want.
You are never going to reach an orgasm with any man if you never tell them what you like and DON'T like, believe me. You have to be clear when you do. Don't just hint at it, tell them straight - but without being picky or sarcastic. Always be kind and respectful.
That is something you can absolutely control. You have the right to control exactly what happens to your body.
Take care and best wishes.
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