A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am having problems coping with the breakup of my marriage, and am worried that I still can't get over her completely. She was my best friend above all else, and it was a tremendous loss. It has been a year since we broke up and while I feel out of the woods, emotionally, for the most part, anytime I feel lonely, sad, like I want to share something with someone, I get these terrible pangs of hurt and loss. When it happens, I have to do a bit of a fake out dance to convince myself it was for the better and we had to move on. But I can't seem to ignore what is still in my heart. After all this time, the year separation, divorce and all the years our marriage became disjointed before that, is it normal to still feel so lost? Could I still be in love? My gut tells me we did the right thing to move on, but the heart has other ideas apparently. Why can't I let go and move on?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, divorce, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 If there's any sure fast medicine for healing a wounded heart,I'd give you the prescription for free. Unfortunately,based on my personal experience and other people's experience, only "TIME" can heal a broken heart. Healing cannot be forced, nor coaxed to bring instant relief to ease the pain and hurt that is caused by separation. There's always discomfort brought about by change whether it be for good or bad. Healing from hurt takes more time for others, while others recover fast before their partners have moved on. The healing process has to go thru different stages before you could face the reality and feel the pain no more. You've got to undergo the grieving period before you reach the final stage of acceptance, then only when you have gone this stage, you will be able to fully recover from being hurt. Of course, the scar will be there, but it won't hurt anymore. Perhaps, at this point, you are still in the grieving stage, and your awareness of your present emotional and psychological condition, will help you understand as to which stage you are in at the moment on your way to recovery. Like a disease, it has its own pattern of healing. This is a temporary condition. Like a sick man, your recovery would be fast if you help yourself. By pampering yourself, sulking by the corner crying over the good times, holding on to the old feelings, will only nail you back to live in the past, like rubbing a fresh wound all the time.. You ask yourself if you are still capable of loving again? Will you be able to live a normal life again after you recover from flu? Take it like a virus. When you are infected,you get sick. When it goes,you are healed. Now you are still in bed, sick and weak..don't force yourself to get up. Take rest,and wait until recovery is full. "TIME" is your medicine. Just be patient.. Get well soon!
A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 You don't say how long you were together, but I take it, it was a good deal of time. It's been a year and you're still not over it? That's not unusual at all.Divorce is like a death. It is a huge loss and you must grieve it as such. There are stages of grief, which I am sure you are progressing though. You don't feel as bad today as you did a year ago, do you? That is progress. Experts say it can take 3-5 years to completely get over a major loss, such as death of a loved one, or a divorce. You will know you are through when you reach a point of acceptance. With time and distance you will eventually gain acceptance. Yes, your head knows divorce was the right thing to do, but as you said, your heart isn't listening. You just need to give your heart time to grieve and heal. You'll get there. Some things you can do to help yourself along: *Change things that trigger memories of her - listen to new music. Go to new places, etc. *Get some exercise – even if you don’t feel like it, get some fresh air.*Spend time with people that lift you up. Avoid those that bring you down.*Make new friends by pursuing your interests.
...............................
A
female
reader, sweetsiepie +, writes (4 April 2011):
 hey hunny sorry to hear about wots happened but things always happen 4 a reason and it'll always seem hard to u cuz u loved each other at 1 point and u'll never forget her and never forget ur marriage but they say u cant ever move on unless u meet someone new so maybe thats ur answer maybe u need to go out start havin a laugh start meetin new people and see how u feel by having a laugh again xx
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Hi,
Only you can answer that. If you still in love?
There's a difference between "love" & "attachment". As you mentioned, you've been together long & she was your best friend.
You always had her by your side to comfort you for a long time. Its only normal to feel a little lost.
I also been in a 10 years relationship, past 9 mos have been very difficult to adjust. Little things reminds me of him, miss him, etc. I change my mind dozens of times a day. Somedays I still love him, somedays I realize I was just attached..
Hope you feel better soon! You control your life & its up to you to continue living & feeling this way..
Good luck!
...............................
|
