A
female
age
51-59,
*pk
writes:Ok here is the scenerio. I met my ex-boyfriend "Brian" 1989 in college. we dated for a 6 months then, I went to his home in TX for the summer met his family. When school resumed we continued our relationship until the end of that semester (around Dec) At that time he was having a difficult time at our school, with his, coach in the sport program he was a part of, and some teammates he'd had a falling out with. He decided that the following summer of 90 he would return to TX and transfer to a school closer to home. I thought the natural progression of our relationship would either continue long distance or at least entertain the idea of me transfering at some point. He said to me when i ask about what would we be until the coming summer. He said that we could still be together but that once he left school he had no intentions of staying together or have me come there. I was crushed and refused to be a semester long (committed) booty call. So we broke up and i quit school (thats a whole different deal but he was just the icing on the cake for that situation)Well i quickly went in to "DOG" mode kinda loved em and leaved em, ....but a lot of them. I was nursing a very wound heart and ego. I really wondered why not me. Side note **my ex is white am I am biracial. i also wondered if he was to scared to commit to someone who wasnt white for a long term future; was it he just wasnt that into me as i was for him? anyways moving forward, i get married to "Anthony" and have a son and move overseas. this is summer 92. I get a call from my mom saying that my ex is trying to find me. He sends me a letter letting me know how happy he is for me and that i played such an important part in his life and that he'll always love me and i wish you the best blah blah blah...Well of course this completely levels me. sidenote** my husband and i married quickly because of my son. I speak with him and its a nice friendly call, got it out of my system. I go on with life right? wrong..I end up seperating and divorcing my husband. I am now raising my son and pursuing my career. PHONE CALL summer 94. calling just to see how i've been blah blah, sorry to hear about my failed marriage but he just knew i deserved better. wants me to come for the weekend. gets me a ticket. I go for this amazing weekend visiting him. I am once again excited at having him back in my life. BUT the long distance is discussed so "IT" remains open. I date and so does he. during this time he calls me randomly, here there, crazy times like after a bad date to tell me how bad it was, lots of times i'd end it with a goodnight click in his ear. FASTFORWARD...NOV 95 I am somewhat involved with the man named "Kevin" in NY since that summer. My mother dies in a car accident. I call Kevin and he asked me "do you need me there?" I tell him yes and he chokes..leaves me alone.Several days after the funeral, I get my random call from BRIAN and when he asked what was going on, i reluctantly told him about my mom, for fear that he would give me more of the "oh i am so sorry for your loss crap" Instead he said "why didnt you call me i'll be there tommorrow" he came down the next day and stayed with me for the next week. the coming weeks we talked constantly..that Christmas he wants me and my son to come be with him and his family. I tell him i need to be with my Dad and Brother during that time but that afterwards during New Years we could come then. He was very upset. I commuication pretty much ceased again. I went to TX for 2 day business trip and saw him then and had luch with his mom. He remained PLATONIC..I dont hear from him a gain till 8/96. i've moved with my son to CA i have a job and i am doing preety well.PHONECALL- the usual what going on why didnt you tell me you moved, i wanna see you and your son blah blah..At this point i am to busy dont have time to deal. FASTFORWAD-12/96 married my current husband Jerry get together (rather quickly) and again PHONECALL- want me to come to TX with my son for the weekend. I say no and by the way i am married. Well again I still get the random call here and there. till finally 12/97 he send me flowers and tickects to a sold out broadway play in town for my birthday!! that was it. I called him and said - "dont call me anymore, i cant be your friend my feeling are to strong for me to have you in my life. you cant have that place in my life or my heart anymore." He was very upset. said it wasnt fair to him and that why was i doing this, it wasnt what he wanted. But I said please respect my wishes and dont call me. I cried but i did what i knew was best for my marriage.FASTFORWARD- 2/99 I have just had my 2nd son Ashton. My dad is visiting me to see my new son in CA. I am getting somethings ready before we take a weekend to Vegas for my dad. PHONECALL- out of the blue he calls and wants to see how i am doing. (obviously dont call hasnt registered) i say fine, im going to vegas to night..WELL WHAT A COWINKY DINK!... he's going too. Suggest we all get to gether for a drink when i get there. I say yeah sure. I get to Vegas and spend all my time in doors in hotel with my newborn. Not gonna go out for a drink...we say maybe breakfast? He calls that morning we're leaving cant do breakfast...Oh well we'll catch up later on phone. I return to CA he returns to TX, catch up on talk. he's suprised i'm still married with my husband. i sent him pic of me and my sons. once again i dont hear from him anymore maybe this is it for real this time. FASTFORWARD 10/08 - My 20yr reunion has happened and all my friends from highschool are reconnecting on facebook. who sends me a message ...Brian.I joined this site after my 20 year highschool reunion last Saturday and found you! I hope life has blessed you over the last several years with all the joy and happiness you deserve. Drop me a note and let's catch up.Take Care -BrianWell i replyOMG!Suprise, Surprise..and a wonderful one at that! So you have joined the facebook tidal wave, I see. It seems the 20yr is the magic # to rekindle and revisit. This site is awesome. I am so happy to hear from you. So much has happened since we last spoke, i'm sure for you as well. I'd have to write a mini novel just to fill you in. I hope life has been the amazing journey I know you so desire for your future, and that you too have been blessed as well. I would love to hear all about it. so i guess TAG ur it...talk soon.xo me :-)I said well hey enough time has gone by soooo i can fianally deal with him. he writes me to call cause to much to catch up on and write plus his hands are full with HIS 3YR AND 6 MONTH OLD SONS! ok all the more reason to know for sure that this is capable of being platonic right?! SIDENOTE*** Been married 12 yrs now and its been hard. my husband is sweet, kind, loving, and a good dad, i love him to pieces but when it come to taking care of his family, not good AT ALL. I have had to do just short of magic tricks to keep us afloat sometimes.I decided to call the day i waited in line to vote.He said so many things that have my head spinning. He's married with 2 kids. 3 and 6mo. boys. He's married 3 1/2 yrs. baby before wedding deal. He seemed like it was well, more so about his boys, then anything else. But he went on to talk about, how things were in the past. and how he felt so immature compared to me, and that i knew what i wanted back then and that it took him to get in his 30's before he ha himself figured out.that he always cared and deply loved me and the memories we shared, that he was grateful for the past we had. He also said some thing that really made me do a double take. Like His mom says i'm the one that got away! and he said if we had gotten married in our 20's we wouldve divorced because he was aweful back then...WHHAT DO YOU MEAN MARRIED??! i never figured that in his mind let alone on the richter scale. He acknowledge that he hurt me. He also told me how well he was doing, "not to brag but I want you to be proud of me" Why do you need that from me? i was so overwhelmed by it all. I didnt want to stop talking; as a matter of fact i wanted more time and conversation with him. All the old feeling came to the surface. this situation with Jerry is not helping it either. With BRIAN it was never sexual, or physical. As a matter of fact, he was a great lover at all, regardless, he gives me a sense of being taken care of, like a wife needs. I couldve then and still would follow him. I so want that with Jerry but all i get is anxiety, fear, worry. I get so sad just thinking about what couldve been. Of course i know my last 2 sons, are not in this equation , meaning i realize they wouldnt be here if that happened (which i would never want ) but just want to know were would i have ended up? I dont look at marriages ending. He nor i gave that indication, or inclination. but...after all these years, i THINK I still have a piece of him and he i. i dont know how to deal with that. I feel so left out in the cold for so long with George. I miss being who i was with him Brian. Safe, and yet with a way of drawing me in while fighting him off. I called my male frined Gary to decode. He says that i was the one for Brian and he's now able and mature to say it all, ( with hope that maybe somewhere down the line there is a chance.) that i am the fairtale that got away.It means alot to me that HE "loved me and still Has alove for me"?but i gave and gave...what does he want now? I dont know if we could evertruly be friends. Again i would never act on anything ., but i need more from Jerry and after 12yrs... i dont think I'll ever get it. the questions is AGAIN ...WHY NOW ! AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEE!Would i be so wrong to ask him after all these yrs All B.S. aside what was I, and what am i to you? why now?
View related questions:
booty call, broke up, christmas, crush, divorce, facebook, flowers, immature, long distance, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xxhoplesslyhisxx +, writes (6 November 2008):
i think inorder to find closer with brian you need to get everything out in the open.. i think maybe at the time he didnt really reliaze how much he loved you until you were officially out of his life. in all fairness to ur husband i think that you do need to talk to brian and again find closer so you can be at peace with yourself and brian. then make a decision if you really still love brian or just the idea of him. then i suggest talking to ur husband jerry about ur relationship with him and how u need some spark and that you guys need to become a team in a calm grown up manner.
please tell me how everything works
i hope i helped a little
|
