A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Let me just start by saying this is going to be very complicated but I would really appreciate responses. I was with my boyfriend for almost 7yrs. We have a daughter n I am currently pregnant. Recently he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore, which came as a shock because we been doin better than we use to. We've had an extremly up n down relationship. He's cheated on me twice (two different times) and I cheated on him about 2 years ago, he only found out a little over a yr ago. It took a few months of tears talks arguing and hurt but he decided he really did wanna be with me. (I am more forgiving than him so he didn't handle it to well) after he decided he wanted to be with me the next few months I worked hard on showing him I won't be that person. I truly cut off ties with friends who gave me too much temptation n devoted myself to building our relationship again. For months I made sure I changed, didn't go out, when I had off I was with him, every chance we had we were spending time together. (He works long hours so it wasn't a 24-7 thing) it took a few months but we truly were improving abd he seemed happy again. We got a house together and not to long after I found out I was pregnant. About two weeks ago he started acting cold towards me for no reason. When he would come home he wouldn't want to spend time with me. After about a week of it I couldn't handle it anymore and I exploading telling him y is he acting like this, u don't wna be around me, touch me, kiss me. He kept tellin me to leave him alone. But I couldn't I wouldn't. I deserve to know what I did to make him act like that. His reply was he doesn't want to be with me no more, he's not happy. And he can't forgive me for what I done. But I told him. You waited this long to tell me, after we got a house, after we were trying to have another child, he waits till now. Since then its been a little over a week. He sends me mixed signals. There's times he talks about gettin an apt by himself and he"d keep his distance. On the other hand there's times he asks me to go places with him. Andif I'm at his moms by myself he'll come over. We even had sex the one day. He tells me how he'll help me find a place, and he'll help me with the kids. We've seen each other everyday since. He talks to me daily when he sees me. And this man has my heart completly. My love for him is unimaginable I can't think of anything else but being with him, and hoping he realizes I made a mistake but I am truly sorry. I am a great girlfriend. I always gave him a 100% even when he didn't always give me his all. Can someone please try to to tell me what the hell could this man be thinkin. Maybe a mans point of view. I appreciate any responses
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female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 I feel for you both - but I think your relationship has run its course. It appears you both have tried so hard to make things work - but without success. In my experience when that feeling of being in love has gone its almost impossible for it to return. I know you probably dont want to read this but its time to let him go. I also think because you have 1 child and another on the way its best he leave the family home though this will depend on finaces. There is so much for you both to sort out as adults. Its not going to be easy at all. I hope you have plenty of support from family and friends. I wish I could have been more postive especially with having a baby on the way...I would suggest you see a councillor to give you more professional advise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I understand how hard it can be to try to get someone to forgive you for cheating, and as you said some people are more forgiving than others.
Your man sounds confused. It's possible that he's still in love with you but can't forgive you for cheating (despite the fact he did it himself!).
Maybe you need some time apart in order for him to get his head together. Or perhaps you could try relationship councelling.
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A
female
reader, ellie1963  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 oh dear, men are less forgiving, when they cheat a lot of the time it is only for the sex. Women find it harder to seperate the sex from the feelings that we have for some one afterwards. Having found out that you were having an affair may have made him feel that he hadnt given you enough and feel inadequate. I think he loves you, my husband did this he was very antentive then we got married and nothing. When men have everything they want they withdraw from the relationship slightly the best thing you can do is what you are doing give him his space and he , as he is now will come back to you. He just needs some time.But, you should keep relatons going with your friends dont withdraw from them. To be a well rounded individule you need a mix of different relationships including girlfriends and family dont isolate your self to this guy.Tell him, when he wants you youll be there for him and that you have no intention or want for another man. Meantime live a little , well as much as you can with a toddler and one on the way, meet girlfrinds for lunch it will make you happier.Good luck hunny xxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Hi, I can imagine what you & your partner is going through, really its hurting to each other (similar to my story i cn understand) but truth is you had hurt him first he has hurt you back that is some what like revenge taken issue but usually male feels more hurt pain than female by my experience because its easy for females to change partners than males (i think) but this is all not the solution. Now happen is happened you can't change it but you need to keep loving him and erase all friends who hurt him and give him confidence that you only love him now onwards not anybody else. As you have what he is going through i.e, he is feeling already cheated and he can't trust, he can't love you, so you need to gain trust & love that when show love and trust him.
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