A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together and a long distance relationship for a year now, but known each other up to 5 years longer. He's about to graduate from law school and is highly tense and upset because he is afraid of what the future holds if there is any at all. This is his last semester. However, for the last five months, he's been growing very depressed and says he barely can get out of bed. My biggest issue is -- I've tried to keep my mouth shut about it a lot but, it's starting to boil over.For the last five months, the phone calls have been growing very few and far between. We text a lot, all day long, but I need more than that, especially since we're in a long distance relationship. I don't need constantly to be up his butt, nor him up mine. But I would like to hear his voice every so often or Skype with him. This started in October, where he began to pull away (or so it felt.) I got maybe a phone once every week, maybe. Then eventually it was once every two weeks. Then December came, and he only called me ONE time and that was when we were about to see each other. (Again, we text a lot during the day.) When he was here on his winter vacation (he lives in New Orleans normally, but his family is 3 hours away from me in Tennessee and that's where he went during his vacation), he came here on a Friday while supposed to be leaving on Tuesday. He left Monday. Then, he was supposed to come back Friday and I was having an art show and talked all week about him coming. The night before, I asked what time he'll be here, and he told me then (at 11 PM) that he wasn't coming back until Monday. This really upset me, but I tried to be really understanding when he told me the reason why is that he is just 'spread so thin/worn out/depressed/a shell of a human being' that he can't function properly and just wanted to be at his parents house, left alone, not worrying about anything. He's in law school, which I can only imagine is a very stressful thing to do. Well, then he came back on that Monday, and was supposed to stay until the following Monday, and he left Thursday. That time, I got very upset because it made me feel like he didn't want to be around me, the one he says 'is the only thing that makes him happy.' Yadda yadda. So two months go by after all of that, I haven't once complained about phone calls because we had already had three large discussions and I figured ''If he wants to do it, he'll do it. I already told him what I wanted." And I almost stopped caring about the relationship entirely and barely liked talking to him. I want this relationship to work, I do. But I couldn't take anymore and I told him I needed to be alone for awhile and "time to breathe" because it felt like he didn't care about me. We didn't talk for two days, except he would constantly text me how much he missed me and that it was hurting bad not getting to talk to me. Again, we do text a lot.. but I don't want a year of just texting. I need something else, too. :/ He'll be moving closer in two months so I am trying to wait it out but.. what if this guy is just holding on because he doesn't want to be alone? I don't know what to do or say.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 March 2014):
 I have been in several long distance relationships, one of them was for years. I know how really difficult they are, even at the best of times. I couldn't handle just texting, it would drive me insane because text messages just aren't personal enough. Of course you want to hear his voice. A text message can't display emotion.
In our case, we talked several times a day maybe 5 minutes at a time, and about 15-20 minutes at night. On the weekends, we talked on skype with camera about 30 minutes a day. It kept us close.
He was a doctor, so trust me, he was stressed out about 80% of the time and worked very long hours. I understand where your guy is coming from...but...he can't make 5 minutes a day for you?? just a short phone call??
The good thing in your situation is that in 2 months he will be closer to you and graduated..perhaps things will calm down. Try to be patient for those 2 months if you really love him. I'm sure he is stressed to the maximum. I know why my guy was really stressed, he didn't want to talk. I learned to just let him call me, as hard as it was to do, I left him alone. I know its hard to deal with but pressuring him when he's stressed isn't going to make him want to talk to you, I think you realize that.
Search your feelings and ask yourself if he's worth waiting for. None of us can answer that but you. If you wait 2 months and things don't change then maybe its time for you to end the relationship.
I wish you all the best. I hope things do work out for you. I know how lonely being in LDR can be, when all you want is to hear their voice. Its rough.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (16 March 2014):
I think at this point your emotions are getting in the way of realistic expectations. This is the guy's last semester and in law school, his pressure is very real. Your need for attention isn't healthy and will not help the relationship. You need to do more than just saying what you want and perhaps a part of that is patience.
To be honest I think his stress is very real and is justified. You just need to be patient and wait until his school is over.
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