A
male
age
36-40,
*arm
writes:After a serious break up can a guy still be friends with his ex?She pleaded and cried that I still be her friend. I said "no" and have maintained no contact thus far. she hasn't tried to call or anything.She hurt me pretty badly (refer to: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-steal-my-ex-back-from-rebound.html), but I can't help but want to forgive her and wonder what she's doing and thinking about. She was my best friend. I feel weak.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 December 2009):
 When someone breaks your heart, its hard to be friends with someone who hurt you. At least right away. You don't want to learn about their new dates, or who they're hanging out with because after all you miss that person and you're still in a lot of pain.
Even if you started dating someone else, the heart wants what it wants and friendship is very difficult.
Sometimes I think that the people who remain friends after a breakup were not really in love to begin with. They were basically friends with benefits.
Its not jealousy that does this. Its loneliness. You want to forgive her, but the price of forgiveness is letting go. And you're not ready to do that. Yet.
Some people can do it. Some people say they're still friends but rarely ever speak after the break up.
It all depends on how you define friendship.
Is she going to continue to "use" you for advice, help, friendship, dating pointers, etc.? If so its going to hurt you.
See the problem?
Good luck man.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 December 2009):
You're not weak. You made entirely the right decision. She hurt you, so it's not worth staying friends with her. She'll only hurt you again. And she's not even made any real effort either. Just focus on getting over her, and you'll meet someone far better who won't hurt you.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Hold on, man. Every day you make it through you'll get a little bit stronger. I read your previous question and you're too good for this girl, and I suspect she pulled the friend thing out to keep you around in case she wants to use you later on.
Now is the time to rely on your other friends, the ones who didn't break your heart.
Good luck.
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