A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am 28 and i don't want to work. I'm still living with my ex husband and his girl friend, he has moved on and i relied on him so much for 8 years. i have become comfortable living like that. i don't work or pay any bills. i don't do anything or contribute in the house in any way not even cook or clean i just stay there and eat and that's all. i tried two jobs but could not hold them as i have not worked in so long and i did not take care of myself all these years. now i'm so embarrassed so many people wanted to be with me but i choose this life i don't know how to get out of this.
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 I just don't understand why you are living with your ex-husband and his girlfriend, and why he is paying for you not to work. Please explain, I just do not understand. Is he choosing to pay for you? Does he want you living with them, did he ask you to stay? Is the girlfriend OK with this?You need to move out of there. Even if you go and live with your parents, it's better than living with your ex-husband and his new girlfriend. Then you need to get a job. You need to learn what it is to work and earn a living and pay your way. Only that way will you become independent and able to cope on your own.Even if a job is unskilled and badly paid, it will be a start. I've done lots of menial jobs in the past and respect someone who will take such a job in order to support herself and try to move upwards far more than someone who prefers to sponge off someone else. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): The problem is that society makes it acceptable for a perfectly fit and able bodied woman to not work and just have a man pay for everything for her if they are married or intimate partners. Society would however look down on a able bodied man who refused to work and depended on his wife or girlfriend to support him. You have it seems taken advantage of this cultural stereotype and gotten very comfortable with it but as you can see it all falls apart if the man stops being your husband or intimate partner. What would you do if he died tomorrow? What is your back up plan other than living off him? Whatever that back up plan is, do it now as it is bad for everyone that you continue living with him and his new partner and doing absolutely nothing. It is bad for you too as you're just drifting aimlessly in life and not being a productive member of society when you are healthy and able-bodied and thus should be. I suggest you move out immediately and them figure out your next move but it is not an option to call him for help. He is no longer your husband so he has no ties to you so you should leave him alone from mow on. Move in with friends or family. Since you were not married to them you wont have the same comfortable feeling of entitlement to their money so you will mentally be in a different place where it will feel easier to force yourself to get a job and start supporting yourself. Pick up the phone today and start calling family and friends to ask if they are willing to let you stay with them temporarily while you get your life together and promise them you will either pay them back for rent or you will do all the housechores in lieu of sharing rent. They will hold you accountable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): You have basically been living the life of a child, being dependent on an adult for basic living. You need to grow up. I know work sucks and isnt fun but we all have to do it. Thats what being an adult is. Get whatever job you can find no matter how low it pays, look in the classified ads or ask around. Get whatever job you can find and stick with it at least a year. You need to build up a work history and show future employers you are not lazy and can do the work like a regular adult. Gradually work your way up to better jobs. I don't know why you're so dependent on your ex but it is not healthy even if you were to still be married. You don't contribute to the bills and yet you don't do any housework either. That's shameful. You are basically using this guy (and his new gf since I assume she is either also paying the bills or at least cleaning and cooking) for a free ride. This is wrong!! Why don't you at least clean the house since you're not paying any bills?? To be honest I think your ex has every right to be upset at you as you are being like a parasite on himWhatever you do, do not get into another relationship and become totally dependent on a new man to take the place of your ex in supporting you. Learn to be independent first before you get into another relationship so you don't end up repeating the cycle.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 May 2013):
 Hi
Well the first thing you need to do is move out. Can you go to family?
Then you need a job, everyone has to be responsible for themselves, to earn money pay their way.
You need to talk to somebody professional, you need to get to the bottom of why you are so dependant and indoors eating in your Exs house.Your marriage is over but yet you haven't moved on.You must be depressed.
Why your ex moved another woman in is beyond me,that is so cruel, its no wonder you feel how you do.Has he ever asked you to leave? Does he expect you to do jobs around the home or get a job?
Were there any financial arrangements made after the divorce?
You need to rebuild your confidence, start afresh. Your still very young and have years ahead of you. Hopefully one day you will look back and wonder at how you got into the position your in.
Good Luck
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