A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:help. ive been dating my man for 8yrs.1n currently26 and he loves me. i know that. problem is he is taking too long to propose marriage. all my friends are married with kids and i started dating this guy way before they met their husbands. my boyfriend is 28. another issue is he is suddenly enjoying the attention of ladies as he is quite attractive but back then he was truely notv that cute. i also am getting alot of attention from men who are quite serious about marriage. what do i do......i cant seem to wait any longer for this man Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Your boyfriend is not a mindreader. If something is important to you, tell him or you have only yourself to blame. You still can have the big surprise since you don't know when or how he'll propose.
Don't believe the movies-- most people I know had a discussion and agreement way before the ring and proposal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmaybe ive been watching too many movies but i really would like the whole episode to be like a big surprise when he does, a proper ring and all... lately ive been more vocal about who just married or gave birth and stuff and when he eventally says it..i wont be surprised cos ive been waiting for it forever. like what the hell took u soo long.besides haven waited for 8 yrs i hav evry right to want to tie the knot. its just normal isnt it and from this part of the world marriage is not an option really. its a stigma not to after a sertain age. everyone just goes shopping for a husband for u.
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A
female
reader, 19agegap  +, writes (11 June 2008):
can u live with the fact that you might never get married? if not, leave...u rather be single than with someone who doesn't want to give you what you want. I was in the same situation, and we broke up. Funny thing is, after we broke up, I realized that I want him more than marriage....so, do think properly before it's too late like me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I had the same situation back when I was 28 and had been dating a man for 6 years. In the end, when one more wedding invitation arrived I just got miffed. My boyfriend asked what was wrong, and I noted that his friend who had met his fiancee only two years before was already getting married! I resented that I had to tell him this, but sometimes guys need to be clobbered with the point!
About two months later my BF came up with a ring. He tried to be romantic about popping the question, though he didn't quite succeed... but I appreciated the effort. We got married, have had our ups and down, but are approaching our 9th anniversary soon.
In retrospect, I'm glad that I didn't have a fight about it. Sometimes a simple short discussion is all it takes.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Annalisa is right, you need to talk to him about this.
Maybe he is scared of commiting himself, (some men just dont want to get married) its not that your not the right girl, its just that he is comfortable with how things are, and doesnt see the need for it.
I think if you suggest it and he doesnt want to know, then you will either have to put up with it or move on. To be honest though! Its not the end of the world not to get married is it? Depends on what you have already.
XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): You need to stop comparing yourself with your friends who are married. Who cares? This isn't a competition. And is that the only reason you want to get married, just because all your friends are married and you feel left out? That's not a good reason to get married...And this might be a tough reality to face but how much time a guy has been with you is really no indicator of whether he will pop the question or not. A guy could be with you for 8 years and NEVER ask and he could be with you for one year and pop the question. That's just how it is.It sounds to me like you are feeling threatened by all this sudden attention that he is getting and so you want to marry so that you don't "lose" him. I mean you've mentioned how your friends are married (so you feel left out), how you've been with him for 8 years (so you've paid your dues?), how he's getting all this attention from the ladies (so you feel threatened that you might lose him), but you haven't once mentioned how you feel about this man...Do you love him? Is he wonderful? Does he make you happy? Is he everything you ever asked for? He makes you smile, laugh, makes you tingly, whatever...These are the ONLY reasons why you should want to marry, forget the rest...You need to put your ego, and your fears, and societal pressures aside and re-assess what's really important in making the decision to marry. Cause the reasons that you have given are ridiculous in my opinion, (no offense). And you are both still VERY young. Don't rush things and above all be confident in yourself...
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Ask him to marry you or at least ask if he has any intention of getting married to you.
If he refuses you have to decide whther you are happy with this arrangement or if the ultimate commitment of marriage is too important for you to continue with this relationship. x
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