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anonymous
writes: My name is Jill. I met a military soldier online in November of 2004. He emailed me after seeing my profile on a dating website. We talked casually for months, while he was in Iraq. It became routine to communicate regularly, and we began making plans to finally meet when he got back to the states in early 2005. We have since been together on a couple of occasions, and really bonded, so to speak. I thought he was everything I could possibly have wanted in a man. He was older than me (38), and had no children, and accepted the fact that I had kids from a previous marriage, and was willing to accept them as well. I thought that all was well, and that we were well on our way to a relationship and possible marriage. Last night, I proclaimed my love for him, and he didn't reciprocate. He told me that he didn't love me, and he didn't consider me to be his girlfriend either, becasue we haven't spent that much physical time together. I was crushed. I have been involved with this man for 8 months now, and haven't dated anyone else. To my knowledge he didn't date anyone either. How could he say that to me? When I started to cry, and told him that I didn't want to continue wasting my time with a man that didn't feel the same way that I did, he acted as if he didn't understand why I didn't want to continue seeing each other. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I have been devastated by men in the past, and he did seem like a good guy. I am shattered... Please help me. I don't know how to make the pain stop.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2005): Yes you are being silly. Who caused the pain? YOU! Stop doing this to yourself. Emails are fine, but it takes a lot of personal time for people to really understand whether they are right for each other. Move on, and date other men. If he is interested he will call. We all have had people interested in us, that we saw nothing in. Or people who we really disliked but who just couldn't take the hints, and leave. I broke up with a woman because I realized that I just could not stand her voice. It wasn't until years later when I met her again that I realized what broke us up. I was a little embarrassed to make such a big thing out of what others might consider a small matter, but it mattered to me. We had great times together, but I made the right decision in breaking off the relationship. PHV
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