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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend after 7 months he told me that before he met me, he was dating this women for 4 weeks and that she was 8 months pregnant.I feel that he should have told me from the beginning of our relationship. I feel that he's been lying to me the whole time.We've done so much together, traveling a lot. We've been to Hawaii twice and Mexico. We've been on 8 vacations. He should have told me the first month we met and let me make the desicion if I wanted to continue the relationship. He told me that I wouldn't have ended the relationship if he told me from the beginning. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): I don't think it should make any difference, weither she was pregnant or not. It just means that he was caring enough to date someone who was pregnant with another persons child, and i find that very selfless.
It should bother you no more than any other of his ex girlfriends. It wasn't his child and that's really all that matters...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): I think it would be shocking to hear as it is not everyday that you find out your boyfriend is attracted to a pregnant woman. I hear you. It's not considered the "norm".
You may have doubts of your attractiveness as you do not look like a pregnant woman and to you; that may be somewhat "weird" or too "bizare".
Yes it would hurt to hear. Why did he feel the need to "come clean"?
Hmmmm.
I had my boyfriend lie about not being intimate with a woman he dated last summer...he dated her for six weeks. After six months of dating, he confessed he lied to me. I was hurt and devasted. It made me feel that he did not respect me enough, love me enough, trust me enough to give me the truth I deserved. I wanted his trust, the truth. I felt betrayed because I based our relationship on that trust and it was shaken.
It's been a tough road of forgiveness as we have to work harder on the trust, the faith, the intentions, the communication and yes, we have couple's counselling...we were foolish to believe we could overcome this on our own as our communication was erroding under the lack of trust and respect. Hard feelings were abound.
All relationships need trust as a building block for future success. I hear what you are saying. Why did he feel the need to hide a detail? It is in that you are hurt and feeling the way you do.
It's a hard road and it will take time to heal yourself and your relationship. The re-building begins.
Get some counselling; it really does help and that outside perspective of finding a common road and destinationwill do wonders for you and your relationship.
Best of wishes.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, Leigh +, writes (19 July 2006):
Umm, well if he dated her before he met you, and she was already pregnant then what's the problem?
Or are you just repulsed that he found her attractive?
He didn't have to tell you anyway, because it's part of his past, fair enough if it's his, but from how you worded it, it seems to me like she was pregnant when they met, and why does it matter just how many holidays you've been on together?
You either love him, or you don't, simple as, he past shouldn't come into it, unless the kid is his, in which case you should make allowances to have the child in both of your lives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): you don't make any sense!! what is your point!? who cares if she was pregnant? would you be upset if he did not tell you he dated a girl with brown hair? or one that was too short? too tall? too heavy? too skinny? white? black? i think you get my point...grow up! by the sounds of it he deserves someone better than you anyway~ someone with a clue. i feel sorry for you that you have so little going on in your life that the only thing you have to do is be upset beacuse she was pregnant. geeez! get a grip!!
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (19 July 2006):
 Cna't see what the problem is here. So what if he used to date somebody who was pregnant? Are you thnking that the child is his or are you just offeneded cos he may have had sex with somebody who was pregnant?
Help me out a little here and tell us a little more about what is offending you?
xx
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A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (19 July 2006):
 I'm slightly confused here on your standpoint on this. Maybe it's because I'm coming from a male standpoint here.. But what does it matter who he dated in the past whether they are pregnant, with kid or not? Now if it was *his* kid, it would be a different story. He simply just dated a girl, gave it a shot and it didn't work and chose to be with you now instead. It is in the past and should remain there. To me it doesn't seem that she being pregnant is a matter that should be worried about unless like I already said, that he got her pregnant.
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