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female
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anonymous
writes: I've posted questions about this guy before, but now I have yet another dilemma...I became friends with a neighbour who was very keen on me, although I held off for a long time. After 3 months of friendship, I'd grown to love him, and I do believe the feeling was mutual. Unfortunately, he fell ill soon after we got together - whilst abroad seeing his family, and had to stay in this country, with his family support, hoping to get better. He nearly died.We kept in touch, and he came over every month to see me - we were both very loved up. I finally felt I'd met the man of my dreams, and didn't care about his illness. I just loved him so much.After a 3 month wonderful relationship, (which followed from a good friend ship for 3 months) he cut all contact. He didn't answer or return my calls. It was odd as we spent a lot of time making plans for the future, and he was planning on coming back to the UK to be with me.A month after no contact, I bumped into him on my street - he'd been in UK to visit his cousin, but did not contact me! He didnt even want to talk to me. I was deeply hurt.I then decided to have a break from all men, as I was so destroyed emotionally about the way I was treated.A couple of months later, I came into contact with a man that I knew loved me for a long time, and feeling the need of love, I decided to start dating him - a good guy. We are still dating now (2 months in) and he truly loves me.However, my ex had a terrible accident - his cousin told me about this, and I debated for ages as to whether I should call him. I was deeply upset to hear he nearly died (he is diabetic and collapsed).This prompted me to call him - the first time we have spoken in 6 months. I didn't bring up the past - clearly I still care, and he knows this. He was grateful to hear from me, and was very nice. He told me the reason that he cut me off was because he couldn't face me, as he'd realised he had to stay in his parent's country (due to his illness), and just seeing me would have made it unbearable for him. This has broken my heart, as I now realise he did feel everything I thought he felt for me. He told me he imagined living with me, but knew he wouldn't feel right, as he would feel as though he was taking from me (I earn more than he could). He also told me he is visiting UK in October - we have agreed to see each other.I don't know if this is the end of us. I think I still love him. I tried very hard to cut him out of my life after he just cut me off with no explanation....but just knowing what I know now, after our recent conversation, makes me still care.I don't know what to do with my current boyfriend. He truly loves me, would do anything for me, and would never hurt me. I just don't know if I truly love him. Don't know if I got with him because I was feeling emotionally burnt.Can anyone help?Thanks again...XXX
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): Hi Lostandalone,
I'm the original poster of this question.
Maybe you are right. For sure, after speaking with me ex, I do realise that I still love him. And maybe he loves me. But I don't think he will be available for a relationship, given the fact that he has decided to stay in Czech Republic with his family, following his illness. He is still vulnerable and can't commit to anyone until he can manage his own health.
Before speaking with my ex, I did think I loved my current boyfriend. Yyes, maybe he does love me more than I do him, but I could see a future. I guess I know that he wants a future with me, and I would like to settle with someone.
I really thought my ex was just a nasty character, for the way he treated me beforehand. But speaking with him today, and hearing his reasons for why he ignored me - well it tells me that he felt the same about me as I did about him. It's such a shame that he has become so ill, and feels too weak to come back to the UK.
But you are right. I find myself crying over my ex - maybe mourning what I should have done 6 months ago, but couldn't cos I was in shock over the way he'd cut me out of his life, with no explanation.
And I wonder that if I am crying over my ex, how can I possibly love my current bf?
Maybe you are right and I should just be on my own for a while. I would love to get back with the ex, but I don't believe that is an option.
Any more opinions out there?
Thanks a lot.
XXX
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I'm sorry to tell you but the new guy is a rebound guy and you used him to fill a void left by your ex. Now that the ex is back you have no more use for him. He loves you dearly but that doesn't make you feel the same way. You have to follow your heart. Time waits for no man and the longer you delay the inevitable the harder it will be for all parties involved. Be true to yourself. You don't have to be with anyone of these men but you do have to live with yourself. Make a rational judgement. I know you love your ex but could he feel this way and leave you alone again? Will your current take you back if you leave him in this manner? These are questions you must ask yourself and if someone really loves you do they love you enough to let you go. Be wise not smart. That means a smart man/woman knows how to get out of a bad situation and a wise man/woman knows never to get into them. Good Luck.
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