A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 5years. During these 5years we have broken up twice, for at the most 2months, but we never saw other people. Our main problem and pretty much only problem is my jealousy! He has put up with a lot from me over the years, he's been more than patient with me and dealt with my crap alot. He's 27 and i am 23 and for the past two years we have lived in different states (just 2hours away) i met him when he was at school up here. The distance really isn't that bad because we make it work, almost every weekend we see each other and at times if it means waking up extra early we'll drive down on the week to see each other. We make it work, even though at times it can stink. We recently broke up in December but got back together a couple weeks later. Since then things have been good, my jealousy and insecurity issues are starting to go away and hes' mentioned how much better it is. Problem is, last weekend we got into a BIG arguement. He's applying for law schools (which i support) but one is in Hawaii and NC and i thought "how can you apply so far away knowing it could mean this could end? it'd be hard to do it" He says he know it would be hard but he'd be willing to make it work. This blew up and we didn't talk for 2 days. Finally we did and ever since then, it seems were both questioning things. He says he still loves me the same as he always for the past 5 years and wants to work it out but doesn't know if we can make it through this. This shocks me because he has always been the positive one. Also, he's said before he sees this heading toward marriage and that's where he would like it to go. Yet over the weekend he said "i haven't had that moment where it's like shes the one, i want to put a ring on her finger". This all took me by surprise and for the past few days i have been worried. He's going through his own battle in a sense becaue he hasn't been able to find a job (while im working full time making the money) and we have people putting external pressure on us. My question is, after all this time together, do i keep trying to make it to work or should we give up? I love him, he is my best friend.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, robot  +, writes (5 March 2010):
It sounds clear to me that YOU are not ready to give up yet, and so don't. He has been very honest with you and he probably knew that it would painful for you to hear that he has doubts, and so would not have been an easy thing to do. If you have a long future ahead with eachother, then at times you will need to share the most painful of truths, as well as the happiest of truths of course! I would say that it is nowhere near time to give up at the first doubt, and you seem to have already come through some challenging times, and are growing as individuals - all signs of a healthy relationship. It is however probably the most callenging time in your relationship so far. He may chose to go far away, and he may well be niave to think your relationship can still work, but you can both communicate well enough to talk about his genuine motivatition for maybe choosing Hawaii. What ever his choices in life, if he is open and honest about why he is making them, you will have to respect them, even if it means letting him go far away for a while. He must, as we all must, be resonsible for his own journey through life. If you think he is making a mistake, you can tell him, but if he doesn't agree then I'm afraid, so be it. But look, try not to think of your relationship being on the rocks, your negativity could well end up feeding some sort of self forfilling prophecy, your man has reached a fork in the road, that's all, and he is confused about what to do for the best. Help him onto which ever path is right for him. The long term future is always uncertain, don't screw up the next little bit worrying about what may or may not happen.
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