A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:after 5yrs the guy i was seeing told me he had meet someone else. Now discover that he never loved me and he only kept seeing me for sex. I feel so used and cheap. Im finding it hard to deal with as i loved this guy.how do i move on?jo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2013): A huge thanks to all you who have gave me your thoughts and advice. I'm certainly going to move on. xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): You collect your dignity and realize that love was displaced.He was being brutally honest; because it was the best way to make you move on, and find someone else. You clung too long and too hard. You can't love him as much; after knowing all this.I see the age-group listed above your post as 51-59. Sometimes our maturity drives us to accept a lot of things about people that we know aren't truly good for us. You most likely put up with a lot from this guy; in order to have a man in your life. He didn't just suddenly become this cold-hearted creature. He's the snake he always was, and you accepted; because you've convinced yourself that he's the best you'll ever do, and it's better than having no man at all.Don't you dare degrade yourself for being human and vulnerable. You wanted love, and sacrificed your freedom.You took the risk. It wasn't meant to last a lifetime. For five years, you had something. Now you know what you were holding onto, and letting go will be all the easier.You can't avoid the emotions. Mentally, commonsense is going to kick your ass for ignoring all the red-flags, and settling for the bottom of the barrel.This is part of the process of moving on and recovery. Then you will finally forgive yourself, and you will be a wiser woman. Some poor fool will find out only too late, what you already know. You never would have broke up with that guy. So he did you a favor. He knows you could do better. You were too stubborn and afraid.Don't let your age, or desperation whisper discouraging words in your ear. It's also a part of getting over a loss and getting through the grief. You'll persevere and you'll survive as you always have. Settling for less and clinging on has taught you a valuable lesson. Those five years were all on your part. He didn't have to do that much. If he had invested more; he couldn't have let it go so easily.Now go out and make yourself happy. Stop looking to men to give you security and comfort. Life has taught you something. Now use the knowledge, and you'll reap the rewards that will come later. Someone else is intended to find you.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 October 2013):
 What you do is puff out your chest... take a deep breath... and say to yourself: "WHEW, I am one lucky girl. I wasted five years.... and almost married that deceiving basta*d"!!!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): As one door closes another opens. There is better out there for you. Believe in yourself. Good things are ahead. Always hold on to that and hold your head high...... He will be back but the trust has gone do it's really not an option to go back xx
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 October 2013):
 I have to echo the others. He's lying just to hurt your feelings, no one who simply wants to use someone stays for 5 years. No one stays for 5 years with anyone unless they actually like being with them. I think your ex is just trying to build up a big ego and try to make himself feel better by making you feel small. His feelings are probably hurt by you, so he tries to bite back where he thinks it will hurt the worst.
Try to let him go without causing arguments and fights. You're hurt, and understandably so, but wounding each other in the process of leaving makes you both hurt, and doesn't do anyone any good. Instead, take a deep breath, and walk away with your head held high. He didn't promise you to stay until death, you weren't married. Relationships end, and while it sucks, that's just how it is. Doesn't mean he didn't ever love you. Just means the relationship came to its end.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): hanks everyone your advice has helped me feel better in myself . Im definitely going to move on xx
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2013):
 How does that makes YOU cheap?
Honestly though I agree with CMMP - no one stays 5 YEARS with someone JUST to use them, I really doubt that. WHY he wants to hurt you now I have no idea.
My guess is, he had been seeing the other woman a while now and instead of owning up to be a cheater he made it out for YOU to mean nothing, easier for him to "move" on to the greener grass".
Stop beating yourself up, you didn't make him do or say anything like that - that is all on him. I DO suggest though, that you block him number and go totally No Contact, because guys like like will try and worm his way back when he finds the grass isn't greener after all.
You can do better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): That was mean and hurtful but your life goes on and you have a lot to offer because you came here and shared it with others to get advice, and that is a big step to moving forward. I have been through the same thing and I have learned that there is something better waiting for me. Try
not to dwell on it too much but do things you like to do and I hope things work out for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): You will get over this sooner than you think. The same thing happened to me after three years. Apparently he never fancied me to start with. Guess who is miserable now after six months!!! Not me. Yes it hurts and dents your confidence but there are worse things. We got off lightly with these spoilt childish men.........
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 October 2013):
Don't believe anything he says. Sometimes people just want to hurt other people... don't ask me why.
The way you know this is because even if he was using you for 5 years, if he had half a heart he wouldn't tell you. Which means he is just being mean for some reason.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2013): I'm sorry, I'm in a similar situation and I know it hurts and makes you feel violated. I wouldn't be surprised if things don't work out for him and this new woman and he contacts you again and I hope for your sake you tell him to get lost.
I tell myself it is a blessing and I don't want or need a man like that in my life, either do you. It just takes time to heal. Be strong and know there are a lot of women feeling actually the same way.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 October 2013):
 don't let this low-life make you feel cheap. he's the one who should be ashamed of his behavior.
i'm sure you're hurting and upset about being discarded so coldly. try to hold your head high. he clearly wasn't a very nice man, and you could do so much better!
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