A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, My fiance and I have been together nearly 4years now and i think the spark has gone. We argue a lot of the time, we have no money, huge debts, we hardly make love and if we do I don't enjoy it, I just do it for him because he has a high sex drive and he's very disrespectful to me. I don't know whether it's best to end our relationship after we've tried so many times or keep trying. I don't want to see him with anyone else, but I don't think we can make this work anymore and I don't think I'm overly attracted to him anymore.please help!
View related questions:
debt, fiance, money, sex drive, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I don't have much to add to this - the other two posters have hit it on the head. But I will say it is better to go through a little bit of agony during a break up and then get over it than it is to spend the rest of your life living this way.Regret is a horrible feeling.All the best x
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 April 2009):
 I have to say that what Emilyanswers has said is very good advice and well worth thinking about.
The fact that you say you are not happy and there is constant arguing, I realise it can be like that when you are worried about debt but you need to address this and not keep on sweeping it under the carpet hoping it will go away, don't bury your head in the sand.
Do some calculations, get to the bottom of what you owe and what he owes. You have options, there is debt management with different companies but you will end up paying a certain amount for them to handle things on your behalf. Talk to your family about what they think and let them in on how stressed and worried you are?
If you are living with your bf and just continually finding it hard to cope financially then something needs to change as you are not living right now but just surviving.
You say you have sex with your bf as he has a high sex drive but he is disrespectful to you. Sweetheart, value yourself more than that, no one wants to just go through the motions. He can have other ways of relieving himself without you being his sex toy. How can you value yourself if he doesn't.
Start to plan out your own problems - financially first and then it is up to you whether you want to help him with his or tell him straight that you can't handle this anymore. You are still very young and you can put this situation right if you don't continue to keep on repeating the same things over and over. You have the rest of your life so start living it now and debt can go away so start to find out your options first of all.
Whether you want to see him with anyone else or not is irrelevant right now, find out if you have any love for this guy any more and him for you, if not then you are not losing him but you are setting yourself free from a relationship that has gone bad for one reason or another.
You will happier in the long run if you don't continue to try to hold this relationship together by yourself. It takes two to make a relationship and if only one person is trying it will fail in the end.
Talk to your family and let them in to try and help you first of all.
BFN
Country Woman
x
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 April 2009):
After 4 years it's no wonder you see him as your safety blanket, and you don't want him to disappear off with any one else.
BUT, you can't move on if he doesn't.
I think you know that this relationship has come to the end of the line and you need to split up.
Sit him down, tell him that you are not happy and you know he isn't happy either.
Then get a bit of paper and work out what you own together and what debts you have together and work out how to split them.
You have to do this in a calm friendly way. You need to be friends to get out of this without massive problems and court cases.
If it keeps turning into an argument then head to the Citizen's Advice Bureau and do it with someone there.
If you sell everything you own together and pay off the joint debts then you should be able to start again with only your own debts to worry about. Even if you have to move home so you don't have any rent to pay for a few months then you could get yourself out of it.
It'll be better to lose a lot of things and have an amicable split and be able to move on than to drag it out with blame and screaming and end up even worse off.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
