A
female
age
51-59,
*ligrl4life
writes:I have been with my husband since I was 16 been with him for 30 years and married for 23. He said that he has never felt intimate with me, is this possible?He first asked for a divorce and now a separation because he feels intimate with woman he meets and wants to go out and experience what he has not in our marriage. We both lived with our parents until we got married and also have only been sexual with eachother.He said a divorce should not be a surprise because he had asked years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was upset when he told me this but never thought of it again.He does not see the good times said there were not many always conflicts, is this possible that he would stay so long with me feeling this way?How many people have not had sex on their wedding night? he brought this up to me, we spent our wedding night at his sisters apartment and got home around 2am from the wedding and had to open all the gifts and get the deposit ready so his father could deposit in the bank while we were away on honeymoon.After all this was completed would only have two hours before car was coming to pick us up for airport.Once we did get to the honeymoon destination we had sex as soon as we got into the room. I have been trying to make things work but no matter what i do i am upsetting him. I know have been not put my marriage first, kids, work etc have come before him I did not think he needed me as much as he really did. I have been trying to show him what a mistake he is making, i love him and want to spend my life with him, but once he leaves and when he is with another person I don't know if i am strong enought to take him back.
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divorce, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 ali: Don't fall for that B/S... He's using the "I never felt intimate...." crap to misdirect HIS infidelity on to YOU.... AND it "sounds" like you're on the borderline of accepting his displaced guilt....
YOU, are OK... HE is unfaithful.... Use THAT as the basis of all else that's in your submittal... and you will find that Mr has been an unfaithful dog and needs to be treated as such....
Good luck.....
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Ihatewomanbeaters just gave me the most interesting imagery with
It's not, "I am going to go into this marriage dragging on the floor being a dead weight and an anchor."
Imagine your husband is that anchor tied to your ankle in a deep ocean. You are struggling for air trying to keep afloat and swimming at the surface. He chose to be that anchor and let you be the one to haul his happiness around.
What he told you is quite emotionally abusive. He holds it against you that the two of you did not have sex on your wedding night 30 years AFTER the fact?
Unfortunately, you can not show him the mistake he is making. He has to learn that all on his own. He may be facing his own life crises, feeling that he is getting older and life is just not as exciting as it once was. He wants to blame his indiscretions on you because he of his feelings.
You do not have to be strong enough for anyone other than yourself at this point in your life. Do not beat yourself up for making your children and your job a priority in your life. It takes two people to make or break a marriage and he is just as responsible as you are.
I am suggesting you seek out some counseling to guide you through your feelings, thoughts, and this grieving process. A great counselor can help you sort your way to make some good decisions for your life and your own happiness outside of your husband.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Life should not be about being strong enough. Barring some terrible disease or accident, it is not about the man or just the woman making sure the other person is happy. It is about both people making eachother happy. When one falls down the other takes the slack and makes them stand up. It's not, "I am going to go into this marriage dragging on the floor being a dead weight and an anchor."
The marriage is invalid, null and void, just for show, etc. End it and be happy and let him be happy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2011):
 I think the initimate part is an excuse. You don't stay together for 30 years unless you have something. I would give him the divorce though. Let him go. He will soon find out that putting all the resposibility of his happiness on you isn't fair. He claims it's your fault he isn't happy, that other women can make him happy. TRust me, he will find out sooner rather then later that HE is in chrage of his happiness, not everyone else.
Do you really want to be married to a man who doesn't want to be in the marriage?
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A
female
reader, blackdiamond  +, writes (6 September 2011):
sorry seems like he is looking for any excuse to leave and seeing you do everything there's nothing else for him to pick at..
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