A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im going through my teenage years but struggling quite a lot.Im a teenage boy of 14 years old and ive never asked a girl out.Ive liked this particular one for three years and i still dont have the confidence to speak to her.I have thought about asking my mum for advice but i dont think she woudl understand and also i couldnt speak to my dad because he left when i was two months old and i have had no contact since.I would like to do something to find him because i dont know what he looks like or anything about him and my mum finds it upsetting to talk about.Please reply as soon as possible,I need help.Thanks My questions areHow can i build more confidence?How can you find someone that could be in another country?How can i make this girl like me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 How to build confidence.
It's not easy, but there are some tricks. Find something you're good at, and get really good. Then start teaching people about it by either joining or starting a club. This will get you talking about a subject you know a lot about. This will also build your confidence and you can transpose that to other things.
An example from my life. I've done martial arts for 25 years. When I was in high school, I got a job teaching martial arts. I was very confident in my skills there and often had to prove them to adults I would teach. They would question why a 16 year old was teaching them. After I beat them up, the would realize why. LOL. I was never confident in other areas of my life, but in the two years I was teaching, I overcame many fears. Public speaking being one of them. Plenty of times I'd have to take command of a room of people. That kind of thing sticks with you. I'd like to say that I'm confident most of the time, but we all have things we will be lacking in.
There's another phrase that I've often repeated to myself. "Fake it till you make it." Sometimes if you pretend to be confident, you'll find that you actually are once you get over that initial hurdle.
How to find someone in a different country.
I have no idea, I'm sorry. The only thing I can think of is a private investigator, and that would be very expensive. Usually the more info you have the better. It's been 14 years since he left. Your mom owes you and explanation about your father. It may be difficult for her, but she needs to think about you too. What she's doing is selfish and unfair.
How do you make this girl like you?
I take it you're not friends already. If you are, then great. If not, that would be a good start. Ultimately you just need to talk to her and get to know her. Some topics you can talk about are school, music, after school activities, hobbies, the weather... Ask her open ended questions (not yes or no answers) and listen to what she says. Do your best to ask follow up questions based on what you hear. This shows you're actively listening and it keeps her telling you about herself.
I have faith in you. You can do this. Believe in yourself.
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