A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Three years ago I started dating a guy, and we lasted four or five months, but then he cheated on me with a girl who he later fell in love with and only got over about a month ago. We didn't speak for a while after our relationship ended, but he finally apologised, and showed that he really regretted cheating on me and cared for me a lot. He was still with the other girl, but we soon became friends and started getting closer and closer while i fell more and more in love with him. I was miserable all the time for nearly two years straight and did a lot of things I now regret and think ridiculous. I felt stupid and worthless and I thought he'd never have feelings for me, but after two years of being hopelessly in love with him, we are finally together, but I suddenly don't think i really love him anymore. I know I still like him a lot, but i think my feelings for him are slowly beginning to fade. I can't even begin to understand this, because he's being a great boyfriend and nothing has gone wrong! He hasn't changed, and neither has my opinion of him, but nowadays I don't look forward to or enjoy being with him as much as I did before we were together. I don't know why this is happening and don't know what to do because I really don't want it to. Please help!
View related questions:
cheated on me, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the help! things are a lot better now and i really do love him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): It is possible that during the break, you created in your mind an ideal picture of him, that now, when you are finally together, doesn't resemble the reality much.
Then, it is also possible that being young and unexperienced with relationships, you are blaming the interestingness (or lack of it) for other problems that you are unable to recognize for the moment.
Another possibility is that the ideal you created at then does not correspond with your present ideal (ideals change) or that as soon as you have REALIZED your ideal, the love for it fades - in this last case, the pattern might be recognizable in other areas of your life, for example you long to buy an object and when you finally achieve it, you are unable to disfrute from it because your focus is transferred onto the next objective.
Of course, in this case, you will learn in time to deal with working at caring for and "nursing" the relationship to keep it healthy and gracious, this is how couples can last for 50 years and more. I suggest that you examine your feelings and act in conformity, learning from the situations and your choices.
...............................
A
female
reader, Auntie Mandy  +, writes (2 August 2008):
 Well your feeling are completely understandable, I can only guess at this because im not in the same suituation at the minute.I think that the reason you feel that your feelings are fading is because there has been heartace within this relationship, you know he has cheated once before and this creates doubt with the future even is your not currently aware of it, however can you be without this guy???your true solid feeling will be based on the simple questions:can you see yourself moving forward with someone else or will you want to stay forever with the guy???if you feel that you cant be without your man then it's just some confusing feelings and emotions that you currently having and by talking through these you'll be able to make your decisoni hope i was some help
...............................
A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx +, writes (2 August 2008):
 Why do you feel stupid and worthless hun? Maybe that could have something to do with it, or it could be just knowing that he cheated on you before, or maybe its just because you've been trying to get him, or wanting him, for so long that your more used to the chase and not having the real thing, if that makes any sense? It does to me, lol minds are funny things, you could be keeping some little thought away in there what niggles at you and plays with your emotions without even realising it. Do you trust him? Do you ever think that he might cheat again? I think thats what the case is possibably?
...............................
|
