A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year and a half now and he told me that he wants to have sex now, but i feel like i want to wait until im married how can i still make him feel loved without going on to have sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 December 2011):
 You don't need sex to feel loved. But after a year and half and you don't know how to show him he is loved it makes me wonder if you actually do love him. Wouldn't you know by now how to make him feel loved, as you have been together for a year and a half without sex? Does he at all feel loved, or is the problem rather that you DO make him feel loved, but because he wants sex you now think you need to compensate somehow?
You can't replace sex with something else.. you can't do anything else to substitute for sex. But having sex isn't what makes someone feel loved, not by itself anyway. Sex can be purely physical, and wont make you feel loved any more than a one night stand makes you feel loved.
What makes a person feel loved is how you treat them, every day. The way you look at them, the way you touch them (hugs, holding hands, even just a hand on their back etc.), the things you do for them, the conversations you have, the things you do together, how you treat them and talk to them basically.
Talk to him about things, but don't fool him or yourself. You wanting to wait until marriage is fine, but is he someone you want to marry to begin with? If you know you wont marry him then you need to end the relationship so he can find someone to be with and have a sexual relationship with. There is nothing in this for him if you withhold sex until a marriage you will have with someone else. If he isn't someone you can imagine marrying then cut him lose. If you can imagine marrying him talk about marriage, and what would be an acceptable age to get married. Nothing fixed or set in stone, but if you think you will want to marry within the next 5 years or 10 years and so on. Talk about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't really think I would want to do oral sex or masturbation, when we do it just makes me feel bad and results in him also feeling bad
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did tell him at the beginning of our relationship that I wanted to wait however he says that more recently he feels the urge to do. Also I wasn't always okay with fooling around as it makes me feel kind of guilty
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (28 December 2011):
 It seems a little strange that after 1.5 years together he's suddenly decided this. Did something bring this up that you can think of?You can go as far as your feel comfortable with to keep each other satisfied, whether that's oral sex, hands, or just making out. Throw in lots of massages and such as well. Though really you can't be asking us how to satisfy him, you have to ask him that. You two need to talk about it together to come up with ideas that you're comfortable with.
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A
male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (28 December 2011):
Don't just bluntly tell him but let him know. something like I love you very much but I don't think I'm ready and even though I love you I don't think we should until we are married. or something along those lines. if he loves you he will respect your decision and will stay with you and continue to love you. If he leaves then you know he wasn't the right one. and don't let him pressure you if you fold you will regret it. if he loves you he will wait. I love my girlfriend and she loves me and when sex came up I told her I was willing to wait for her. she said that she was ready but she wanted to wait until I felt it was the right time, (i was a virgin then and she wasn't). So if he loves you then he will stay and if he doesn't he will leave. but you should tell a guy before hand. but he seems committed so just keep that in mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): If you're ok with it, how about just using masterbation on each other of oral sex. It really depends on how devout you are so think it through. Don't let any guy pressure you if you are not comfortable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): Did you tell him about the no sex before marriage thing from the start or have you only decided on that now? It kind of matters because if you didn't tell him that from the start then you kind of led him down the garden path. Anyway regardless of that you just tell him it's not going to happen until marriage and you do other things to please each other.
He'll just have to be happy fooling around and going as far as you are willing or he will have to move on to someone else. But don't let him pressure you into something you don't want to do OP, you will just end up hating him and hating yourself for letting it happen.
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