A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Aunts and Uncles: I need your advice anyone. How do I get over this affair? I have never felt so emotionaly drained in my life. I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years he is my soul mate, my world, my everything and I am in so much pain I have never experienced anything like this ever it is taking control of my life I can't stop crying, I don't want to be around anyone don't want to talk to anyone and I am a mother of 3 kids that I know need me more than anything and I am trying my hardest to forget what happened but as soon as I think of something that makes me happy the affair pops up and takes it away. It has been 3 1/2 months since I found out and I have some good days, but I have alot of bad days, I really don't know what to do anymore. When will this pain go away? I am still with my boyfriend the father of my children (I know some people will think I'm stupid) but he's all I know and I want it to work so bad I just don't know where to start and how do I start to heal? The only reason he told me about the affair is because the girl got pregnant (she said it's not his, but I know deep down it is) I know it's selfish of me but I don't care and I don't want my children to know this kid ever (if it ever does come out to be his). I know it's both their fault and not just her's but I truely hate her and want her to feel the pain I feel everyday and by him not claiming the child (it is probably hurting her, and I want it too) is this normal? I don't just feel hate towards her and the child I feel it towards him too sometimes when I think how can someone love someone so much and cause them all this pain, but I love him and I know he loves me. It was the first time I seen him cry since we were together I know he's hurt for what he did, but he can't take it back now, but how do I move forward? Anyone that can give me some input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): You don't get over it. You sleep with one eye open forever more so to speak. You trust ZERO, you believe hesitantly, you require proof through action not just verbally. It takes a long time, and it never is the way it was before. After awhile you decide if that is enough for you or not and leave or stay. Is not your problem, IS HIS...he's selfish and wants it all. He lied to you and he lied to her, without intervention and some therapy, he will lie for eternity if it serves his selfishness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): crying after the deed is no good. just tears and actors get oscars for it.
how do you move forward? he would have hid this affair and continued to screw around but then the other gf got pregnant. that was why he only confessed.
you will hard difficult day then some good. this pattern will continue until there is no more tears left. i hope you have not resumed a sexual relationship too soon with him. h will just expect you to move on. what has he learn from this?m anything?
its sad that you have so much hatred for the other woman yet do not condemn him too much. they BOTH messed up. he is lucky you still want him but is he worth it?
Grimm has valid points. it is all to fresh righ tnow but slowly, months or even yrs from now you will get closure.
how is your relationship right now. i also think you need to learn to be more independent from now on. you cannot trust him and cannot depend on him.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 First off, I am so sorry for your plight. I can speak from some experience that YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!
However, and I know this is hardest, the fact that you have remained with him is taking a toll. And in some way you seem to be justifying him. But it is understandable. We like to think that there was just a mistake, and that it possibly just wasn't like him/her. And that if WE realize that WE are to blame for their cheating....
Don't think like that. It is easy to fall into, and clouds your rationale. You may not have said it in your post, but you think it on occasion.
This is not your fault. Cheaters are like vampires, they suck the life force of those who they hurt, and they reproduce. do not believe a thing that comes out of your man's mouth. He has manipulated you to the point of accepting this, and that is UNACCEPTABLE.
No one deserves to be cheated on, and certainly not to be treated with such disregard. Remember, if it was not this woman he had sex with, it would have been someone else.
You need some serious counseling and time for you! And yes each one of us is different, but grieve as long as you need to and get your children away from this scumbag.
You have every right to be selfish here, for it is not you who fucked up...it was your man. I have no idea how a Common Law Marriage works in Canada, but you need to see a solicitor as soon as possible....and as nasty as this sounds, I am serious you need to get tested for STD's as soon as possible. You may never know the full truth, so there may be others.
Are you going to take his word for it? Would you really take his word for anything at this point?
Although it may not seem like it by my response, I am truly sympathetic to your plight. In the interim, please feel free to PM me and I can send you some links for some sites that are dedicated to some well deserved comforting for you.
Right now you need to talk to some others that have been in your boat(I know of one female currently in the EXACT SAME SITUATION), and I know of more than one that will be more than willing to help.
You have suffered alone way too long. It's time for you to say to the world that your husband's bullshit is going to stop.
GR
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