A
female
age
41-50,
*utoflovenp
writes:I have been married for 7 years, with this guy for a total of 10 years. We have a beautiful 3 year daughter together. When I married him, I knew I would have to take care of him for the rest of our lives, 7 years ago I was OK with this. And when I say take care of him, I mean cook, clean, do all housework, be the breadwinner, etc. He doesn't have a physical disabilty, but he suffers from severe depression-he goes on and off meds. Well since my daughter 3 yrs ago, I am tired of taking care of him- he does nothing to help out. If I didn't cook and make his plate he wouldn't eat-believe me it has happened. Well the last 7 months I have just fallen out of love wit him, I love him because he is the father of my child but that's it. I don't want to have sex with him, hug or kiss him, nothing. Then another addition to this story is that I met this guy who treats me good, takes me out to lunch, very romantic, we have been somewhat intimate-of course my husband doesn't know this.So my question-should I go to marriage counseling and try and make things work for the sake of my child or just get out now since I am so unhappy. Thanks for the advice~Out of Love in New Orleans Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I would concentrate on your marriage, definitely get counseling and don't see the other man.
Many people who are depressed can function at a much higher level than your husband is.
He needs to find a med that helps him and stay on it. Maybe he needs therapy also, exercise and activities and something to focus his life on. Does he work at all?
You're not helping him by allowing him to sit at home and do nothing. At the very least he should be helping you with household things and childcare.
If you find in counseling that you really can't make it work with him or love him again, then leave. But since you were happy at some point I assume and you have a child together and you say you still love him I would try to make it work first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I wonder if it is this other guy that has unsettled you. Perhaps you were not that happy before but now you can see more clearly that things are not right. You must give your marriage a chance or you will regret it. Get counseling. Do not see this other man till you know where your marriage is going. You do not want to leave one man for another. If your marriage is over you need a bit of space.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I think that you should try and work on your relationship, stop messing around with the other guy unless you are truly sure that you will divorce your husband and that you don't love him anymore, it sonds to me that you are just tired and seeing someone else without making your mind first will not make it any better.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Well..first stop doing things with the other guy until you get everything figured out. You knew all this before you married him. He hasnt changed, you are just tired of it. Have you talked to him because of it. Have you taken him to a therapist? Some how he needs to get over his depression. But have you been helping it or adding to it lately. If he cant be happy, and that makes you unhappy then move on. Staying for the children is a lame excuse that only ends up hurting them more in the end. Decide if you could ever love him again. If not, move on.
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