A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:what do you think of such a person? I recently met a man who acted as if he was very much interested in me. He gave me so much attention, I was the centre of his world and he firmly believed that I was the right person for him. We talked a lot, he texted me a lot and made me believe so many wonderful things. I thought that I have found a person who will shower me with love. He was dying to meet me. We met for the first time and just on a single date, he already determined that I was not the person made for him and shattered everything. Then why did he give me so many illusions? He said that the feeling he was looking for and that he felt initially was not there and this was the reason he preferred to stop our relationship. He said that he did not fool me but I do believe that he played with my feelings. He had no right to talk like this with me if for him, the first meeting is crucial to determine if he wants to be with me.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I've been thinking about this, and it's really very unprofessional of this guy to use his position (a nurse in a hospital) to pick up women.
So, he's unprofessional, a toad, a user, and only interested in getting laid. As Honeypie says, you're best off out of it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Then be twice as glad he didn't suggest anything further and that you can now pursue a guy with more honorable intentions.
He sounds like a total toad.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (12 July 2012):
Yup, it's pretty clear what he wanted. You ask what we think of such as person.. well, I think he's a shit, a user and a waste of your time. I am scratching my head wondering why you consented to go to the hotel with him on your first date. I am also wondering why you went along with *any* of this when you weren't actually all that keen on him. Please, in the future, YOU do the choosing. Choose who you like and don't like. Don't let a 'charmer' like this sweep you off your feet. Listen to your gut instincts. If it doesn't feel right to go to a hotel room then *don't go*. If it doesn't seem right that you are the 'centre of his world' after a brief meeting in a hospital, then it is *not right*. I am sorry this happened but you need to exercise more caution. I think you posted about this a few months ago, and if I'm right and you're the same person, then this incident must have really upset you. I'm not surprised, I'd be upset too. He used you. All you can do is learn from it and move on. Don't let your guard down so easily next time. All the best.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Ah, yes your update helps… the ONLY thing he was interested in sweetie was getting laid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers. Maybe i did not explain myself well. It was not online that i met this guy but he was the nurse who took my blood when i came to the hospital. So we saw each other. He did not interest me in fact. In this relationship, it was only question about him. He saw me, don't really understand what strong effect i had on him and began to chase me. To know if i'm the one he proposed me to go to a hotel. I was reluctant but he said that what's the use of dating someone 4 many months only 2 discover later that sexually we cannot satisfy each other. U can guess the rest.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Hi,
Sorry this happened to you and you feel this way. It's over and done, and thinking about it will only hurt you more. Be glad that this end sooner than later. If you are so hurt now, imagine if things got serious, you become attached and start having true feelings? It's ok, be strong, he's not the one for you, but your future love still out there, it's just a matter of time. I'll suggest though, I am not sure how you met him and start to communicate, but next time you meet a guy, do not put your heart out there so soon. Really, nobody will never know his true intensions, who cares anyways, but what he promise you were just "words" it's easy to talk.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): Few years ago I had a memorable date with someone that I met at the bar, who I liked very much, because he was just adorable. He was buying me drinks, then we went to eat at 4 am, and everything was perfect. He didn't insist on coming home with me, but we made a date to see each other next weekend.
I was so excited to see him again. He texted me 3-4 times a day, he planned the whole thing. And then we ve met.
He was the same good looking guy with the same smile, but after 10 minutes I regretted the minute I said yes to this date.
There was something wrong with his laugh, it was loud full of weird sounds. He smelled way too much of colon. His nails were horrible, unevenly cut and cuticles were just ugly. I noticed hair sticking out of his ears and nose, not much but Enough for me to see them. He kept talking about how he planned for us to go to the beach after dinner. When he paid, I noticed a little awkwardness, and was wondering if I should pay for myself. He kept starring at me like he was totally in love. We didn't know what to talk about resulting in awkward silences.
It was just a real bad date. I didn't know how to end, I said that I really need to be home, and with that I left. I felt quiet guilty when I saw his eyes aftervi refused to go to the beach, and I hoped very much that I wouldn't hear from him ever again
He kept on texting me for another few days, and then he stoped.
What I'm trying to say that i could see it right away that it's absolutely hopeless to continue this as I was turned of. I was telling myself that may be I should give him a chance as obviously he was very nervous, but I just couldn't make myself to go on a second date with him.
It happens all the time, and very often guys will go on just to get in your pants, and then either leave you anyway, or keep you in case they need a free lay. Your guy was honest and not a player, he told you what he thinks right away not to waste your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): That's what dates basically are OP, are a trial of a person to see if there's potential for something more.
In this case there wasn't, it stings OP but this is the very nature of dating, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
He didn't do anything wrong and neither did you, it just didn't work out. Lesser men may have used you to satisfy their selfish needs or led you on. This guy was just honest and walked away.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 July 2012):
He thought it might work... you had that first date and thankfully for both of you he knew that the chemistry was not right.
this is part of the problem with meeting folks online (and then dragging out the meeting in person part)... sometimes what works online does not work IRL
I'm sorry you are hurting but he did you a favor by being honest with you as soon as he knew.
I am not disputing that the said wonderful things to you online.. he probably did believe them... but then meeting you meant that the fantasy became reality and the reality was not to his liking.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 July 2012):
 This is the bad part of online dating. It may seem as though 2 people really get along, but when they meet in person there is no chemistry. Its just one of the chances that you take. I'm afraid this is what happened with this man. I guess he felt that in person the two of you didn't "click" and he saw no reason to take things any further. Even though you are disappointed and hurt, he did you a favor. I had this happen to me once, it was awful. I live in the US and the man lived in Japan. He flew all the way to where I lived after talking online with web camera and phone for 6 months. We were both so excited but when we met in person it was a complete disaster. We didn't like each other AT ALL, and he was supposed to stay for a week! Luckily he left after only 3 days. I am sure he was just as relieved as I was to end things. I don't think you should be angry at him, he probably truly thought that the two of you would work well together. Internet and real life don't always mesh, and thats what happened, plain and simple. On the internet, you can be one person, in real life perhaps something totally different and whatever he felt while talking to you online he just didn't feel in person. Pick yourself up, dush yourself off and move on. Be happy he didn't keep wasting your time. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 July 2012):
Thank your lucky star you didn't waste any more time with him and move ion. Sometimes you get an instant connection, sometimes you don't.
Don't beat yourself up over it.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 July 2012):
You're right, he shouldn't have said all of those things to you before meeting you. He was stupid to do so. Likewise you shouldn't really have got sucked in, but hopefully you both learned a lesson for the future.
It's hard when you've got your hopes up about someone, and I know it hurts. But you don't really know this guy, and he doesn't really know you. So try not to take it too personally.
I actually see it as a red flag if someone is being over enthusiastic before meeting face to face. It's very off putting to me. Apart from anything else, It builds up expectations and hopes which can be dashed so quickly - as in your case. How can someone he has never met be the centre of his world? He sounds a bit odd and really you're probably better out of it.
Lastly, after 'meeting' online, try to meet up in real life sooner rather than later. You really can't tell until you are face to face with someone.
All the best.
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