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female
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anonymous
writes: I posted a question a few days back to say that I just couldn't get over my ex. He lives in Oz and I am in the UK. He has been back there 2 months and a month ago I cut contact with him to help me move on. I'm in agonising heartbreak like I never imagined could be possible, and, you guessed it, I e-mailed him today. It was really short and unsentimental - I just said I was ready to be friends and he could e-mail me if he wanted to. Should I have done that??? I really want him back in my heart and kind of panicked that if we don't speak for too long he will just forget me. But up till now I've had my dignity and the 'last word'. I know I should be focusing on creating a new life, but it's so hard. He chose to leave the country by the way, it wasn't enforced. What do I do now? And was my e-mail a mistake?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): I don't think the email was a mistake either. I think it will help give you closure, good luck! :)
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (7 June 2006):
 The ball is in his court.
Was the email a mistake? No, especially as its not like you begged him to come back or carried on like a mad woman, you simply said that you are happy to be friends.
In a way, that could be nice closure.
However, it sounds like you are not yet ready for closure and perhaps you need to take some time to yourself to help grieve and move on from this relationship.
I know its hard and I know you want him back. But, he has made it fairly clear that he wants to move on and has done that by moving to a different country.
I would leave the ball in his court and take some time to get over the relationship, heal and think about the future.
People tend to panic if they are not over the realtionship straight away but its normal. Just because you still have some emotions or feelings about the relationships or miss them, does not mean you should get back together. Instead it means that you are human and are greiving what has been lost.
The best thing you can do is move on by getting active in other areas of your life - work, study, hobbies, friends, take up some classes or some charity work in your spare time - and enjoy yourself. This will help you move on in the meantime.
Don't beat yourself up about the email. The best thing you can do is leave the contact at that and leave the ball in his court.
In the meantime, allow yourself to grieve but try and move on with your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): No, I don't think it was a mistake and why worry so much about it. What's done is done...don't start having self-doubts about what you did. Really..there is nothing that can be done about it, anyways. So why waste your emotions and agonize. Think of it this way. What the worst possible thing that could happen? It's likely he just won't answer, so accept that. And if he does answer you back with an e-mail...a great bonus! Hey, you lobbed the ball in his court, now it's time for him to lob it back. I guess I am just failing to see why doing this is causing you so much panic, self-doubts and embarrassment. You did nothing wrong. So quit being so hard on yourself, and get out there and try to do anything and everything you can to recover from your breakup. You need time and patience with yourself. Keep your head on your shoulders, hun...don't lose it. And remember, I know you love this guy but...you will survive this and my heart goes out to you, because it is damned hard. Stay strong and don't e-mail him unless...he sends you one back.
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