A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a lesbian relationship and nearly 5 years ago I lost my mother to breast cancer that metastized to her kidneys and she died of renal failure. It took a hugh toll on me and really took years to become strong again about 3 or 2 1/2 years. My girlfriend was very close to her mom like I was and she's the youngest child like I was but it doesn't help. I don't know how to be there for her. She's depressed and want to trade places with her mom. Saying she can't make it. What can I do to help her? It tares at me to see and hear her pain I feel so helpless. I don't want to tell her time will heal all wounds.....I don't want to be pushed away. Advice please how do I support her?
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female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 You need to let her know that she can talk to you if she needs to but also if she does not want to talk then you will just sit with her or hold her, whatever she needs you to do.
If she is depressed and having thoughts like wanting to swap places then honestly she needs some kind of proffessional help to deal with how she is feels, such as a grief therapist, as you are not trained to deal with such a difficult situation. You can suggest this to her, help her come to terms with the idea, go with her, hold her hand in the waiting room or whatever she needs from you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
 I am so sorry for both of you for being “motherless daughters’ there is a book of that name that really helped me. I lost my mom when I was 35 which seems old but it’s very young to lose a mother… you are even younger and it’s tragic for both of you.
Is your gf in grief counseling? Many hospices offer it… contact a local one and get some referrals…
You just be there for her and let her cry and hold her and love her the best you can. It’s hard and it will always be hard. My mom is gone 16 years and I still tear up and miss her sometimes….
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