A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here is my situation. I was dating this girl for about a month now she was pregnant already from a guy she was with before me which I am fine with and am ready to raise a kid. By the way this guy beat on her all the time.So a couple days ago she breaks up with me because she thinks I am not mature enough to handle that responsibility. I know I can do it. It will be tough I know but I know I am going to take care of her and the kid.How can I prove to her that I am responsible and mature enough for it? I do not want to lose what I had with this girl she is an amazing girl. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (22 January 2009):
 I am super stoked that an awsome person like you is being set free for a better lady out there! All too often good guys get taken by chicks that are screwed up, and all thats left are crappy guys for the stand up girls out there that deserve better! Join us on the good side, let the shitty people be with shitty people. Everything happens for a reason, and you were most likely meant to have a sweet little baby with a lady who loves you unconditionally, and is a loyal partner and mother. (see, what did I say, there was an underlying reason she broke it off. She really is doing you a favor, though. Awsome ladies are out there. I live in Hawaii, and these islands are crawling with down to earth girls!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all of you for the advice. I feel better that she was so fucked up because now I know I did not lose much. Her mom told her that out of all her friends I was the only real one and she should stick with me and treat me right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): My heart goes out to you, Hon! But this experience will make you stronger! She is a total loser...You deserve better! Learn from your mistakes and move on!!!! Don't dwell on her! And most importantly, don't judge all women by her actions!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot only did she break up with me through text. But she went and announced the whole thing on a my space bulletin how she has gotten back with the ex. Listen to the song "Six" and "two weeks" by all that remains. Or read the lyrics both those songs are pretty much how I feel about it. This was my first girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Yes I know it hurts. But with time it will get easier. And with the right girl in your life, It will be even easier. Pretty soon it will just be a bad memory. You will look back and say to yourself..."what was I thinking?"
You probably will be a great dad. But you have time for that. Your life is just beginning...you will find the right person to marry, have children and grow old with!
Just go for it!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYa I just fell for the wrong person. It is sad I would of been a much better dad than that other guy. I dont get girls like that. Its like they want to have a fucked up life. I know its better that I aint with her. but it still hurts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): I know you are hurting right now, but trust me...it's all for the best. This girl is trouble! You are young and have a your whole future ahead of you. Move on and find a girl who has her act together. Those two sound as though they belong together...I just feel sorry for the baby!
Good Luck and remember, you deserve better!
Britt
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she went back with the ex. I guess she likes getting beat up. and being with the guy who did not even want the kid in the first place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): This girl is saying your not mature enough to raise a child???? She's drinking and doing acid while she's pregnant...what's wrong with this picture???? She has no clue what she is doing to that unborn baby!!! Even if it was only once, she has no idea of the damage she has done! I have seen children who were born with fetal alcohol syndrome...it's not something that goes away!
My advice to you is to move on and find someone who cares about you! She doesn't even care about her unborn baby how can she care about you!
Forget Her!
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (20 January 2009):
Hehehe, yeah, I hear you there. We are not rich people, but we both work hard to make sure our kids have everything they need, and sometimes what they want. My husband stayed away from the "sex, drugs, rock and roll" lifestyle too, and instead focused on what he loves the most, CARS, and I am so glad for that because he is able to support his kids doing what he loves. I don't consider it a sheltered life, neither does he. You are right, too, in knowing that most people are not ready for their 1st kid, I wasnt, or at least I didnt think I was. Turns out I was more than ready, and mothering came very naturally to me. I grew up in a big family of mostly boys, and my mother has a disableing disease, so I was being a sort of mother my whole life. You should talk to her, ask her if there is some other reason she dosnt want to be in a relationship with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know. Neither does she. I feel like most parents are not ready for their first kid. It takes having a kid to help you grow as a person. I already know I will love that kid whether or not it is mine. Sure we will not know exactly what we are doing. But we both have parents that can help us through that. I am 22 she is 18. She tells me I grew up a sheltered life because I don't do drugs and party and get into trouble. The truth is my parents let me have a lot of freedom they did not care if I drank or anything but I was always smart enough not to do those things. I feel money is not the most important thing. People have raised kids in much much worse situations. If money is what matters in finding your mate, I am in deep trouble.
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (20 January 2009):
Well, you see my point then. I can't possibly see what she means by "too immature". My husband enjoys a few beers here and there too, plays with the kids' toys more than they do, and often blows money on stupid things, but he absolutely loves our kids. He is only 24, by the way, so I don't believe you are too young. There must be an underlying reason she is not telling you about. Thank you for being a person of COMMON SENCE and letting her know that dosing and drinking while pregnant is just plain dumb, sounds to me like she is the person in need of maturing:) How far along is she?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we met at work and both of us just got laid off temporarily until work gets busy again. No I am not a drug abuser.I have never done any drugs I drinnk on occasion even then its only 1-2 beers. As a matter of fact I yelled at her because she did ACID and drank while pregnant. I am a type of person who puts others needs in front of my own.
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (20 January 2009):
I think you are a very noble person to want to share this responsabilitly, and it is my opinion that it takes someone to WANT to have this resposability to be a good parent (wether or not they actually are). Mature or not. My husband is my biggest child, seriously, but he has been a perfect daddy to my 1st son and our now 18 month old daughter, (and now have another on the way). I'd like to know to what extent does she feel you are imature? Are you a drug abuser? Do you not have a steady job? Being dumped because you are too immature is not very specific. Raising children is financially hard. It also requires a whole lot of common sence (which is sadly rare these days). Other than that, it is not very difficult if you have plenty of love for that child, and it sounds to me like you do. First, find out exactly what she means by "immature" and find out it that is in fact the real reason she has dumped you. Perhaps she feels you would later resent her if she put the "burden" on you. Have a talk with her, and get more details. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): If she broke up with you, let her go.
You can't make her fall in love with you.
You are so young and have so much ahead of you. Find someone who doesn't already have a child. You have so many experiences left to have before you become a father.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe relationship was going very well. She said she has to stop thinking about herself and think about the kid.
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