A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. I'm in serious need of some help. I'm at a really low point. I'm coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I'm really having a hard time. It's only been a few days and I'm already struggling so much. I've always been such an independent person, but somehow, I became rather co-dependent. Everything was always about her with no regard for me. In fact, one time recently, I finally asked for support on one thing, the only thing I think I've ever asked for support on, and of course, that never happened. It turned out being me there for her as usual. She was always having some sort of a crisis. anxiety over something; taking a test, her family, some kind of tragic event happening. it was always something. and I was always up late being there for her and calming her down. She would always blind-side me and say awful things that seemed to come from nowhere. Then tell me she doesn't love me and break up with me. Then get back together.She's left me feeling so low and useless and I've never felt this way before. If I could afford counselling, I would go. I just feel overwhelmed and so angry. She called me a few nights ago and told me she didn't love me again and blah blah. She was wasted. So I finally laid into her for the first time and told her what a shitty person she was and how I wouldn't put up with her shit anymore. I unloaded on her. She just kept saying "good for you" over and over again. And how she was proud of me. I told her I didn't give a shit (sorry for the language) if she was proud. And again she would say "good for you." Then she said she was glad I finally ended it for once.Anyway, that was days ago and I'm just so upset. I don't understand anything that happened in our relationship. It was like she had an evil alter-ego. She was the sweetest girlfriend in the world one minute, and then she would switch like night and day and become this horrible, awful person, saying awful things. It's really messed with my mind.Anyway, I just need some help on how to move on after this nightmare. That's exactly what it's been for me. Any advice on coping with getting over an abusive relationship would be great. Thank you guys.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): Aunty Babbit NAILED IT! I went through the EXACT same situation as you with my ex girlfriend and the only way I got beyond her, lifted my confidence and self-esteem and became free of hurt and anger was by going through the process explained be Aunty Babbit. It was a very long and painful process (4 years) but it was a necessary process. I'm loving life now! Wooohooo!
A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (6 October 2013):
First, great answer by AB. Time will help a lot.
But I think concentrating on good healthy relationships with friends and family can too. By doing this, it will teach and help you learn what to see and what you need in a good person around you. And it will help take your mind off of things.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 It's really hard to walk away from any relationship especially when you've loved and invested so much time and energy into it.
What you're experiencing is very normal. As the abused partner, you have, no doubt, become used to being dominated and told how to think, behave and feel by your abusive ex.
It's exhausting having an unpredictable partner, never knowing what mood they're going to be in one moment to the next. You spend your life walking on eggshells or being bullied for that rare glimpse of the lovely person they can be when they're not in those negative "moods".
Your ex systematically ran you down and shattered your self esteem to the point where you now feel completely lost and vulnerable. You eventually snapped and, despite that being a positive thing, it must feel very unnatural for you and out of character.
Only time can help heal this wound, you will go through a grieving process and feel many different emotions but this is ok and actually very necessary. You may feel isolation and aspects of denial (am I remembering it right, am I being oversensitive type thoughts), you may feel anger towards her and yourself, you may feel depressed but eventually you will reach acceptance and that is when you will be able to truly move on.
Firstly, be proud of yourself for standing up to this bully. Then take each day as it comes. Try and surround yourself with family, friends and people who love you and who are a positive influence.
Just get through one day at a time and do things that make you happy with people who make you feel good.
Block your ex on all media and refuse to have any contact ever again so this raw wound is not reopened as it heals.
Well done for being strong and appreciating yourself.
It will get better, it just takes time.
I hope this helps AB x
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