A
male
age
41-50,
*JM_1976
writes:I am a 36 year old guy who has been in a relationship with a lady whom I met online 6 months ago. We have become very close but last weekend I found text messages on her phone to at least 3 other men that were explicit in nature ( in both words and pictures that were sent and received ). I confronted her about this and at first she denied it and actually tried to take phone back and delete them. She finally admitted to sending them but that they meant nothing and that she had not cheated on me or done anything wrong. I also noticed an email on her phone from AdultFriendFinder as well. I have ended things with her on this basis. It has been very hurtful as my marriage broke up 2 years ago due to my ex wife's sexting to her best friends husband ( which when I found 3 years ago she said she would stop doing but a year later I found out that in fact they had a 14 month affair going on ). I just feel that giving that my girlfriend knew the history behind my marriage breakup that her actions are really difficult to understand. Even in some of the texts she mentioned to the guys that she was seeing someone but it wasn't anything special...another slap in the face to me. Its not like our relationship lacked spice or anything as our sex life was excellent. While I wouldn't say I was deeply in love with her I am very hurt by this betrayal. She has text me in recent days pleading for another chance....saying the texting meant nothing and that she knows she can make it up to me. For me however a relationship is about trust first and foremost and I just cannot see myself trusting her fully again and I do feel I am worth more than that and do not need the hassle. It is however a difficult situation to be dealing with. I do care about her and I do worry that she will start to drink more heavily now that relationship is over ( she has in the past while we are together drank excessively ). I do realise that our relationship started after meeting her through a dating website but as soon as we started dating I ended my membership of the dating website. Any advice would be much appreciated.
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affair, best friend, broke up, cheated on me, ex-wife, friend's husband, met online, my ex, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (29 January 2013):
The relationship is over. You clearly stated that you care for her but do not love her. It is not your responsibility to monitor her drinking habits. I agree with the message of above, delete her number and move on. You will find some one who values you.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Let her go and keep moving on. She will be fine. You deserve better, and deserve a woman who is wholly into YOU alone!!
Unless you just want a casual sex relationship. Have rules for the women you choose to date and they will respect you more. Rules such as absolute honesty, faithfullness e.t.c. And when she breaks those rules, let her go!!
It's difficult and hurts at times, but for the price of a quality partner who adds value to you, I think it's worth it.
Let her go, you'll find a better match sooner than you know and forget this bad experience.
Good luck with your decision.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (29 January 2013):
Her drinking is her problem, you're not her babysitter.
You did the right thing and I congratulate you on it. I'd recommend deleting her number and forgetting she ever existed. If you give her a second chance you'll be condoning her behavior and she'll do it again.
You have just had bad luck with women. Stick it through and sooner or later you'll find someone who isn't a deceptive liar.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): In my opinion, sexting is cheating, no grey area around it. She has broken your trust and if you give her another chance then you will always wonder if she's still doing it but just hiding it better. If you feel that you can still be there with no attachment but as a friend to help her through this apparent drinking problem then go ahead, however if you still have feelings for her then you sticking around will only end in more hurt and confusion for both of you when you seem to know that there can never be a relationship there.
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